The Loss of Innocence
by Foxy Nighthawk
Summary: This is the sequel to Blast from the past. It is still femslash, so if that aint your thing, you better stop now and read something else. CatherineSara pairing. This will deal with abuse, just a warning.
1. Chapter 1

This is the sequel to Blast from the past, I hope you will enjoy it. Please feel free to leave a review – it's nice to know if I'm on the right track or not. Enjoy the story.

**The Loss of Innocence**

**Chapter One**

**Prologue**

It had been just over a month since Bridget, Julie and Veronica had been rescued from Dunne and Burns. Just over a month since Sara and Catherine had started dating officially. Just over a month since Charles Oscar Dunne had been shot and killed.

Sara had gotten into the habit of visiting Veronica every other day for a couple of hours before work. She had been out of the hospital for two weeks and was slowly going crazy over Kimberly's constant fussing. They hadn't spoken much about what had happened since the one conversation right after Veronica had woken up, neither of them felt really ready to face it yet. They weren't bending backwards avoiding the subject, it just never came up. Mostly they just sat in a comfortable silence, the kind you can only experience with an old friend who you trust completely.

Today had been another one of those days. Veronica had sent Kimberly out with Julie to get a little peace and quiet, while she and Sara sat on the terrace enjoying the sun – Sara with a cup of coffee, Veronica with a cup of tea.

"Did you have a nice date yesterday?" Veronica interrupted the silence. She spoke softly as if she didn't want to interrupt the birds singing in the garden.

"Yes," Sara nodded with a smile, "we just went out for lunch before she had to pick up Lindsey from school, but it was nice." Sara spoke in the same tone of voice, enjoying the peaceful calm of their surroundings.

"A nice simple date." Veronica summed up. "Those are the best. The only thing I miss in married life."

"Kimberly doesn't take you out on dates?" Sara looked over at her friend who was leant back in her chair, eyes closed and her arm, still in a cast, resting on her stomach.

"Not lately." Veronica shook her head keeping her eyes closed. "I think she's afraid to let me leave the house these days, worried that someone will snatch me up if I leave the property." She smiled a little. "It's irrational really considering that I was taken in the house the last time."

"Maybe it is an irrational fear, but I've never seen her as upset and scared than she was when you were gone." Sara sat up in her chair, half expecting a longer, more serious conversation about Dunne and the kidnapping.

"I know. But she's driving me crazy with it all." Veronica was still leant back in the chair, her features calm. "I've forced her to go back to work Monday just so I can get a little peace around here."

"She's coming back Monday?" Sara leaned back in her chair again. Once again they avoided the topic of what had happened to Veronica. Neither of them mentioned it, but they both knew that they would get to it eventually when both of them were ready. "Sofia's gonna love that. She didn't like the replacement too much."

"I know." Veronica chuckled. "She's been around here a couple of times complaining."

"She's been complaining to Catherine about him too. They were on a case together and the guy didn't know what to do at all, apparently."

"When's your next date?" Veronica changed the subject.

"Tomorrow." Sara answered with a smile.

"Mmm. That's good." Veronica nodded in approval.

The silence stretched between them again. Sara loved spending time with her friend like this. It wasn't that she didn't like talking with the other woman, she really loved that as well, but in these quiet times she could just get lost in thoughts without Foxy getting annoyed or mad at her for doing so. She'd simply just wait and let Sara finish with whatever she was thinking about and talk after that. Veronica had been the first person Sara had been able to enjoy silence with. Before the doctor had come into her life, silence had always been associated with threats and pain.

This afternoon she let herself get lost in thoughts about Catherine, something that happened more often than not these days. She remembered how they had made love for the first time. It was on their third date and it had been magical to her, it had been just right.

_They had been sitting in the car outside Sara's apartment for five minutes just talking about nothing, before she had worked up the courage to ask her upstairs. Luckily she had said yes._

_Asking Catherine to sit on the couch while she had gotten a bottle of wine and two glasses had helped her get her nerves under control. It had started slowly, they had talked about everything and nothing drinking a glass of wine and all the while Sara hadn't been able to keep her eyes off the blonde next to her. Catherine had been wearing a dress – knee length, low cut, black and sexy as hell. Sara couldn't keep her eyes off her. She couldn't decide which view she liked better – the dress sliding up a little revealing more skin than intended or the intended amount of cleavage shown. She settled on dividing her attention equally on both, since Catherine was sitting on what was Sara's favourite part of her body._

_She didn't know who had initiated the kissing, but she was enjoying it immensely. Kissing Catherine was fantastic, it was something she could spend the rest of her life doing and not get tired of it. She did know that she was the one who brought things further. She had pushed the blonde gently back on the couch until she was lying down and then placed her own body halfway on top of her, one leg between Catherine's._

_From then on she hadn't been able to stop herself. The kissing was intensified, wet almost sloppy open mouthed kisses. Mouths finding necks, licking, sucking, gently biting. Gentle caresses in safe places became fevered touches, hands under clothes feeling the backside of her knees, her thighs and finally, finally that perfect ass. She heard herself moan as her hands squeezed it, let her hand wander all over getting acquainted with the forms of the woman underneath her._

_She had stopped at once when Catherine, who by this time had managed to get Sara's top halfway off her and unhooked her bra, asked her to. She was disappointed, but willing to wait as long as it took for Catherine to be ready. She remembered the exchange of words by heart._

"_I don't want our first time to be in the heat of the moment on your couch, hon."_

"_I understand." She had already gotten up and started to clasp her bra again when the blonde stopped her._

"_I want our first time to be in a bed, Sara." She said with a sexy smile, not bothering to cover her legs where Sara had drawn the dress up to get better access._

"_I understand, Catherine." Sara was stopped once again when she tried to clasp her bra again._

"_I don't think you do." Catherine sat up and kissed her again. "I want you to take me to your bedroom." She whispered._

_They had walked there quickly, some might have called it running pretty fast, but they got there and clothes had quickly been shed and tossed all over the room. And then things had slowed down. The brunette wanted to take her time getting to know the other woman's body, she didn't want to rush anything. They started kissing slowly again, she shuddered at the first skin on skin contact. Lowering them both onto the bed, hands started wandering, caressing breasts, legs, butt. She let her tongue follow the path of her hands and soon she had Catherine begging for release. She placed herself between the blonde's legs and started massaging her clit with two fingers. She replaced her fingers with her tongue and slipped her fingers inside her. Letting her fingers follow the pace Catherine set with her hips, letting her tongue work magic on her clit, she brought her to climax and held her close as she came back down._

"You two are getting serious, aren't you?"

Sara looked over at Veronica and found blue eyes staring back at her. She had obviously been waiting for Sara to return from her thoughts.

"I think so." Sara nodded.

"That's good." Veronica's smile was genuine. "But…"

"But…?" Sara straightened up in her chair.

"I hate ruining such a perfect and peaceful afternoon with serious talk," Veronica sighed, "but if you're getting serious, you have to tell her. She deserves to know."

"I know." Sara smiled sadly. "But I can't help but think 'it was nice while it lasted' every time I think about telling her."

"She'll understand, Sass." Veronica sat up straighter as well, holding out her hand to the brunette. "She's… good."

"Yeah." Sara held the offered hand. "But it's still hard."

"I know." Veronica squeezed Sara's hand. "I hope I didn't interrupt just when things were getting good?" She said, referring to Sara's thoughts.

"No." The brunette, blushing a little, felt that she should have known Veronica would be able to tell what she had been thinking about. Well, to be honest, most people who knew about her and Catherine dating would probably have guessed what was on her mind by looking at the smile on her face.

"That's good. I hate it when people interrupt you from a good daydream." She giggled a little. "And by the look on your face that was a _really_ good one."

"Shut up!" Sara looked away from her, but couldn't help smiling along with her. "I should get going though." She said as an afterthought.

"Yeah." Veronica nodded. "The lab will not survive unless you're there at least an hour early." She teased.

"Yeah, and we can't have that." Sara shot back. "Who'd solve all the crimes if we didn't have a crime lab?" She got up from her chair and Veronica stood up as well.

"I know a couple of detectives who think they're the ones solving the cases." Veronica smiled.

"Yeah, we let them think that." Sara smiled back.

"I'll walk you out." Veronica offered.

"No, I know the way by now. You sit and relax a little longer." They shared a hug goodbye. "I'll stop by in a couple of days." Sara said in goodbye.

"I'll see you then." The doctor waved as Sara disappeared into the house.

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Sara had spent the time she had come in earlier doing paperwork. As the time for assignments neared she went to the break room to get a cup of coffee. Most of the nightshift were already there, the only ones missing were Grissom and Greg. After getting the much needed boost of caffeine, she sat down on the couch next to Catherine and flashed a smile.

"Hi." She said.

"Hi." Catherine reached out and held her hand shortly before letting go again.

"Hey Sar." Warrick smiled at the two of them.

"Yeah, hi Sara." Nick smiled as well, just like Warrick he was happy for the two women.

"Anyone up for breakfast after shift?" Warrick asked them. "Tina's working days, so I'm free for once."

"Sure." Nick said.

"Sorry Rick, I have plans." Catherine said with a smile.

"Sara?" Warrick looked over at the brunette who all of a sudden was very interested in her coffee.

"Huh?" She looked up. "I have plans too." She said before concentrating on her coffee again, she knew that there would be teasing next.

"Oh really?" Nick started. "What's you doing, Sara?"

Catherine, having spotted Grissom walking down the hallway towards them, answered for her.

"Me." She said simply with a big smile.

Warrick who had just taken a sip of his coffee spat it all out hearing her answer. And as if on cue, Grissom and Greg stepped into the room at just the right time, preventing Nick or Warrick from saying anything.

"What did we miss?" Greg asked, looking at the spilled coffee Warrick was cleaning up.

"You don't want to know man." Nick said, patting him on the back. "You wanna come out for breakfast after shift? Maybe you'll get lucky and we'll tell you."

"Sure." Greg was about to say something more, when Grissom interrupted him.

"Sara, Nick, B&E. Catherine, DB in Henderson, take Greg. Warrick, you and I have a DB at the Rampart." He didn't wait for their responses, but left the room expecting Warrick to follow him.

"See you at the diner after shift." Warrick said to Nick. "And you have fun doing… what you're gonna do." He said to Sara with a laugh.


	2. Grocery Shopping

Thank you everyone for reading and reviewing!! This story will have a case file eventually, I just have to figure out a way to get it in there. I'm sorry for not updating sooner, but RL got in the way. I hope you'll enjoy this next chapter.

And now for what I forgot to do in the first post (bad me!!): Thank you Jess for betaing, you're the best! And I'm so sorry for forgetting you in the first post, because you're wicked good at it and totally make this and all my other stories so much better! Thank you.

**Chapter Two**

**Grocery Shopping**

Driving towards the crime scene, Sara was relaxing in the passenger seat. They had silently opted for Nick's car because Sara knew that the Texan preferred it. She got lost in thoughts about the case – several break-ins in hotel rooms at the Sphere. It would be a lot of work with lots of prints and trace evidence they couldn't use for anything, but at least there would be top of the line surveillance, so that ought to help them a long way.

"So, you and Catherine?" Nick interrupted her thoughts.

"Yep, me and Catherine." Sara smiled.

"Told you so." Nick laughed.

"Yeah." Sara laughed with him.

"So, it's good?" Nick asked, getting serious.

"It is." Sara nodded. "It's still new, but it feels good."

"That's good." Nick smiled. "Did you…" He wiggled his eyebrows. "Yet?"

"Nick!" Sara slapped him lightly. "That is none of your business."

"What? After Catherine's comment I was just wondering if today will be the first time."

"I am not having this conversation." Sara looked out of the window demonstratively.

"Ok, ok." Nick smiled to himself. "How are you doing after the kidnap case?"

"I'm…" She looked back over at him, "I'm happy that Dunne is dead, but…" She stopped.

"You feel guilty being happy that another human being is dead." Nick finished for her.

"Yes." Sara nodded. "Maybe 'living' being describes him better, I'm not too sure about the human part."

"You're right. Is Veronica ready for the trial against Burns?"

"I don't know."

"You don't know?"

"No, we don't talk much about it all."

"Why not? Wouldn't that help you – both of you?"

"I don't know. It just hasn't come up I guess." Sara smiled. "Don't try to understand it, because I'm not even sure I do. With Veronica you just go with the flow, when she's ready to talk, she'll talk."

"That's just weird." Nick pulled up to the hotel.

"When we first met she told me about her parents wanting nothing to do with her, but it took her months to actually talk about how she felt about it – it's just her way of dealing."

"And what's your way?" Nick asked as they got out of the car.

"I repress." Sara answered, getting the kits out of the car. "But I'm starting to get better, opening up to my friends and girlfriend more." She smiled at him.

"She's your girlfriend?" Nick smiled back.

"Uhm..." Sara quickly masked the confusion shown on her face. "She's the closest I get to having one." She said lightly.

"Right," Nick nodded, "I won't tell her you slipped on that one."

Sara stopped and looked at him with an unreadable expression on her face. "Thanks." She said softly. "It's just… we're…" She stopped, not knowing how to explain.

"It's ok." Nick put a hand on her shoulder. "Let's get to work."

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"What happened in the break room?" Greg looked over at Catherine who was driving the car.

"Warrick hasn't learned how to drink coffee properly yet." Catherine kept her eyes on the road.

"Oh." He fell into silence and Catherine only hoped that it would last the rest of the trip.

She turned on the radio and the music started flowing softly in the car. She couldn't wait for shift to be over. She had already decided that their breakfast date would be her cooking something for Sara and then sleep. Or maybe they'd just sleep later. She smiled softly, humming along with the music.

"So, you and Sara, huh?" Greg interrupted the silence.

"Yes." She nodded. She liked Greg, but sometimes she just needed silence and he wasn't so good at that. She hoped that short answers would help bring back the quiet.

"That's…"

She was expecting 'hot' from him, and was surprised by his choice of words.

"…good."

She looked over at him shortly before looking back at the road. "Yeah?" She asked.

"Yeah, she deserves someone good in her life. Besides, if I had to lose, at least it was to someone hotter than me." He said with a goofy grin at the end.

"You know it." Catherine couldn't help but laugh at his antics. "And I thought I had the reputation of being the bitch and not the good person at the lab."

"Well…" Greg glanced over at her. "Uhm…"

"Don't worry about it, Greg." Catherine smiled over at him.

"No, it's just…" He took a deep breath, why did he get himself into things like this? "Most of the time you're a good person." He sighed. "And I think that most of the time you're going to be good to and for Sara as well."

"Most of the time?" Catherine looked over at him. She wasn't mad at him for saying these things to her, more curious by what he meant by it.

"Yes, because there's no way the two of you can stop fighting over cases." Greg stated.

Catherine laughed. "Yeah, maybe you're right about that." She nodded. "I _am_ going to be good to her." Catherine wanted him to know that.

"I know." He nodded and fell into silence again.

Catherine looked over at him shortly before returning her eyes to the road. Greg had grown up a lot over the past few years. He had been one of their best lab techs and now he was on the way to becoming a very good CSI. One who was lucky enough to have Sara as his mentor, she smiled proudly. He was still the goofy kid, who played around, but he was also more mature now, as at times like this, and it always mildly surprised her. She suddenly realized that the bet she had made with Greg had led to the bet made with Warrick and that had led to Sara.

"Thanks, Greg." This time she was the one to interrupt the silence.

"For what?" Greg looked over at her.

"For looking out for her." She smiled. "Nick already gave me the 'don't hurt her' speech. It's nice to know she has people who care about her."

"Nick did that…" He paused briefly. "With you?" He knew that Nick was a little bit scared of Catherine.

"Well, he did it in a backwards kinda way, but the meaning was clear." Catherine laughed as she pulled up to the crime scene.

They got out of the car and got the kits out of the back. Walking up to the house, Greg looked over at the blonde. "You know, if you have a date and need someone to hang out with Lindsey for a while, just let me know."

"Thanks." She stopped shortly and looked at him walking up towards the house before following him. "That's very… Thank you."

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Sara walked into the locker room when shift was over, they were waiting for reports from the different techs on their case, so there was nothing more she could do with it for now. She smiled when she realized that it was the second time in a week that she was leaving when shift was over instead of maxing out on overtime.

"Hey."

She looked up at saw Catherine standing in front of an open locker.

"Hey." She smiled at the blonde.

"Ready to leave?" Catherine asked.

"Just need to grab my jacket and keys." She said walking towards her own locker. "Where do you want to go?"

"I was thinking I would cook for you at my place, but we need to go to the grocery store first."

"Oh." Sara looked over at her. "Ok."

"We can go out instead if you…"

"No." Sara stopped her. "No, your place is fine." She closed her locker and walked over to the blonde and together they walked out to Sara's car.

"I'll get Nance to drop me off tonight when she picks up Linds." Catherine answered Sara's questioning glance.

"Ok." Sara started the car and backed out. "Or I could drop by and pick you up."

"Or you could stay and drive me tonight." Catherine smiled at her.

"I don't want to get in the way of your Lindsey time." Sara looked around. "Where are we going?"

"Take a left here and then a right." Catherine directed. "And maybe it's time for you to meet Lindsey as my…" She paused. "Maybe it would be good for the three of us to spend time together."

"Right." Sara nodded and parked the car in front of a grocery store. Getting out of the car she followed Catherine into the store.

"What's wrong here, Sara?" Catherine asked, pushing a shopping cart around the store.

"What do you mean?" Sara tried to avoid the question.

"This is awkward and we haven't been like that in a while." She stopped and looked at the brunette.

"It's nothing." Sara started walking again.

"No, it's something." Catherine reached out and stopped her. "Just tell me."

"It's just…" Sara turned and looked at her. "We're shopping…"

"Yes." Catherine nodded.

"Together."

"Yes."

"For groceries."

"I know all this, Sara."

"Grocery shopping is like doing laundry together."

"What?" Catherine looked as confused as she was. "Laundry? You lost me."

"Yes, laundry." Sara nodded. "It's something couples do together, grocery shopping, laundry, spending time with someone's kid, they're all couple things."

"Ok." Catherine nodded. "And you don't want to do couple things with me." She started to walk towards the cash register. "I understand. We'll just go out for breakfast instead."

"No." Sara stopped her. "But we haven't really defined what we are, I mean we haven't really talked about anything other than us dating."

"Right." Catherine turned and looked at her leaning back against the cart. "Do you want us to continue dating…"

"Yes." Sara interrupted her.

"Ok." Catherine turned back around but stopped halfway. Looking at jars of pickles she started talking again. "I'm not sure I do."

"What?" Sara looked heartbroken. "Why?"

"I want to do the couple things." Catherine reached out and took down a jar. "Maybe not the laundry part just yet, but the you spending time with me _and_ Lindsey and the grocery shopping would be great." She placed the pickles in the shopping cart and then turned back to Sara looking her in the eyes.

"Oh." Sara's face lit up in a big smile. "I can do without the laundry. Do you have a list?"

"Yes." Catherine got her grocery list out of her purse.

"Good." Sara went to stand behind her to read the list over her shoulder. "I'll go get the milk." She said kissing her on the cheek.

"Ok." Catherine smiled. "I'll get the cereal then." She looked back at the retreating form of the brunette who suddenly turned around.

"Hey, does this mean that I can call you my girlfriend?"

"One condition – I get to call you mine."

"Deal." Sara smiled.

"You're crazy." Catherine said lovingly. "Go get the milk." She turned back to the cart ready to go find the cereal. She smiled as she heard the brunette mumbling something sounding a lot like "bossy."


	3. Confusion

Here is chapter 3 for you guys. Again I'm sorry it's been a while since the last update, but I'm busy planning parts of my parents 25th anniversary, so my energy level for writing is just really low. That and my muse is currently either taking a vacation, have run off with someone else's muse or is busy trying to write a speech for my parents. Thank you for the reviews, you all know I'd love to know what you think of this chapter as well, so don't be shy and leave me a comment – please?

As always the biggest thank you goes out to Jess, you are the best. I always say that and you still are. Thank you for betaing this for me.

**Confusion**

**Chapter Three**

Catherine snuggled closer to an equally naked Sara. She was feeling sated and spent, skipping breakfast had been a very good idea. She had just woken up from a peaceful slumber when Sara had climbed back into bed with her. She was a little disappointed that the brunette hadn't stayed in bed with her after their lovemaking, but she was too comfortable right now to talk to her about it, especially since she suspected that it would lead to one of their famous fights. So she lay quietly, enjoying the silence and comfortable warmth from the other woman's body.

"You awake?" Sara asked in a hushed tone of voice.

"Mhm…" She nodded into her shoulder.

"There's an hour and a half till you have to pick up Lindsey." Sara told her.

"I think I'm gonna need five more minutes." She mumbled. She wasn't at her best waking up and she felt Sara's chuckle before she heard it.

"Ok, you sleep, I'll wake you up in five minutes."

"No sleeping, just need to wake up." She was still mumbling. "How was your afternoon with Veronica yesterday?"

"It was good." Sara started tracing small patterns Catherine's shoulder.

"That's good." Catherine looked up towards her face and smiled. "It's nice that you two are getting close again."

"Yeah," Sara looked a little lost, "it's not like we talk much, really. Mostly we just sit in silence."

"Silence is nice."

"Right." Sara fell quiet.

Catherine felt the brunette's body stiffen slightly and raised herself up resting on her elbow. "What's wrong?"

"I get a hint, Catherine." Sara looked away from her.

"A hint? What… no, I meant that it's nice to have someone you can be silent with without it getting uncomfortable and weird, it's rare to have that. I like us like this." She looked her in the eyes. "It wasn't a hint, hon, it was an observation."

"I'm sorry." Sara turned to lie on her side facing the blonde, watching as she settled back down facing her. "I'm just… I'm not good at this."

"Says who?" Catherine smiled at her whilst caressing her upper arm.

"Me." Sara smiled shyly.

"You should give yourself more credit." Catherine moved closer to her. "Only problem we have here is that you haven't given me a good morning kiss yet."

"I haven't brushed my teeth." Sara's hand moved to hold onto Catherine's hips despite her small protest.

"Neither have I." Catherine countered.

"I hate morning breath." Sara smiled and inched a little closer.

"So do I." Catherine closed the gab between them and they shared a chaste closed mouthed kiss. "Morning."

"Morning." Sara smiled as she moved back from the kiss. "I could get used to this kind of morning breath."

"So could I. But…" She stopped.

"But what?"

"That would mean you would have to wake up in my bed more often." She said with a glint in her eye.

"I could get used to that too." Sara laughed.

"Good." Catherine laughed with her. "I have to shower now though if I'm going to get Linds." She reluctantly got out of bed, putting on a robe. She stopped in the bathroom door and turned back towards Sara. "Are you going to be here when we get back?"

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Despite staying in bed with Sara longer than expected, Catherine arrived at the school early to pick up Lindsey. Looking at her watch she realized that there was at least ten minutes till her daughter would show up. She contemplated getting out of the car and talking to some of the other parents, but decided against it. She stayed in the car instead, enjoying the solitude. She couldn't help letting her thoughts drift to Sara. She cared for her, very much so. So much in fact, that she had done something that she had sworn never to do in a relationship again - she had surrendered control to her. Not in the way that Sara controlled what she did and with who, but she had given her the control to hurt her. She had not called her on why she left the bed when she thought that Catherine had fallen asleep, she had not pressed her to explain some of the things she had let slip during the Dunne case, she had given the brunette control. She wasn't sure if she was doing the right thing. She liked to be on top of everything, but she had a feeling that something bad had happened to Sara at one point in her life, and was sure that she would tell her about it at some time – hopefully it would be sooner rather than later.

She didn't know what it was about Sara that made her surrender control that easily, no one was more surprised at how the relationship between them had changed. If someone had said that she would be in a relationship with Sara Sidle – and happily so – three months ago, she would have laughed in their face. Why had she put herself in a position where Sara could hurt her then? She was attracted to the brunette, yes, and the sex, the sex was great, but it was not enough to let her have the control over her that she had. Maybe that was it, maybe that was the answer; she had given Sara the power to hurt her, after barely a month of dating she was in a position where her partner could hurt her emotionally – she had fallen in love with the woman. Now the question was how she could get her to open up more and if Sara felt the same about her.

"Hi Mom." Lindsey jumped in to the backseat.

"Hi Sweetie." Catherine turned and looked at her. "Did you have a good day at school?"

"Same old, same old." Lindsey smiled to her mother. "How was work?"

"Same old, same old." Catherine answered with a smile back.

"Did you have a date with Sara?" Lindsey asked curiously.

"I did." Catherine nodded.

"Is she still there?"

"Where?"

"Home." Lindsey was getting a little annoyed with her mother being evasive.

"I don't know, Linds." Catherine sighed.

"Ok." Lindsey leaned back in the seat sulking.

"What's wrong, Lindsey?" Catherine looked at her in the rear view mirror.

"I just thought she would be different from the guys you date." She looked out the window refusing to meet her mother's eyes.

"Lindsey…" Catherine tried to sooth her.

"No, she's only interested in sleeping with you!" Lindsey was yelling. "I don't get why you don't think you're better than that!"

"Lindsey!" Catherine was shocked that her daughter would say something like that to her, and even more worried that that was how she saw her mother. "Sara is not like that." She stated.

"No, of course you defend her, but why haven't I seen her in the last month, then? Not since my birthday."

"Because I don't want you to get attached to her if things between her and I don't work out."

"It's not like I'm not already, Mom, you work with her."

"Yeah." Catherine sighed and they both fell silent, a silence that lasted the rest of the ride home.

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Sara was pulled into the driveway and noticed the car already parked there. She stopped the car but stayed in it. Opening up to people was hard when you'd spent your entire life closing yourself off. Catherine deserved nothing less than openness and honesty, and Sara was pretty sure that she would demand nothing less from her. But it was hard. It was hard to open up when the demons in her closet were still haunting her, when they were the reason she couldn't sleep for more than a couple of hours at a time. She was startled when someone knocked on the window and looked out and saw the woman standing there. She rolled down the window and smiled sadly at her.

"Hi." Was all she could say.

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Lindsey had gone straight to her room when they arrived home. Catherine had gone to stand by the window feeling low and… disappointed? Yes, she was disappointed in Sara. She hadn't promised that she would be there to spend time with Lindsey, but on the other hand she hadn't said that she wouldn't either. Catherine needed more than that from her, truth be told she had expected more. The brunette was always dedicated and thorough when it came to work, paid attention to every little detail insignificant or not, why couldn't she be the same with her and Lindsey? The things that Lindsey had said to her in the car had taken her by surprise. How could her daughter see her like that? How could she think that she would let people use her only to get sex? And how had she, Catherine, missed that that was how her daughter saw her? She focused on the street outside and noticed the car parked on the other side of the street and realized just how much she hoped that it was Sara. She turned away from the window, suddenly she felt old and used.

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"Hi." Veronica looked closer at her old friend. "Are you gonna come in… Or am I?" She pointed at the passenger seat.

"I don't know what I'm doing here." Sara looked as lost as she felt.

"Yeah, I was surprised that I got the pleasure of your company two days in a row." Veronica moved around the car and got in. "You wanna just sit here?" She asked. "Or do you want to talk about it?"

Sara didn't answer and they sat in silence for several minutes. When Veronica realized that Sara wasn't going to talk she adjusted her seat, making herself more comfortable. Sara looked at her with an amused smile that despite her best efforts didn't quite reach her eyes.

"What?" The doctor looked over at her. "If I'm gonna stay here for a while, I might as well get comfortable. I'm recuperating here."

"I love you, Veronica." Sara said out of the blue.

"I know." She smiled. "I love you."

They fell into silence again and it stretched between them. Sara was trying to get her thoughts in order.

"I left while Catherine picked up Lindsey." She blurted out.

"Ok." Veronica looked over at her. "Did you promise to stay?"

"No, not really."

"How do you 'not really' promise something?" Veronica asked.

"Catherine asked if I was going to be there when they got back and I said I didn't know." Sara explained.

"Ok." They fell silent again. After thinking for a few minutes Veronica started speaking again. "Why didn't you stay?"

"I don't know. It just all seemed too much. We agreed on being a couple in the grocery store, went home and spent the morning together and it was really nice, but then I just…" She was at a loss for words.

"Got scared?" Veronica finished for her. "Sara… Do you love Catherine?" She asked, looking over at her.

"We've only been going out for…"

"You've known her for years." Veronica interrupted her. "Do. You. Love. Her?"

"I…" Sara breathed deeply and looked over at her friend. "Yes. Yes, I love her."

"Ok then." Veronica smiled. "Now you gotta stop doing everything in your power to fuck it up."

"What?" Sara looked out the window. "I'm not trying to…"

"Yes you are." Veronica interrupted her again. "You do this all the time, Sass. You find someone who cares about you, and God forbid that anyone could care about you for being you. So you keep finding problems that aren't there to fuck up the relationship – romantic or not."

"You haven't known me in ten years, Foxy, you don't know anything about how I handle relationships."

"Really? Really? Ok, let's see what I don't know. You did it with your foster parents, your foster brother," She counted on her fingers while talking, "your social worker who went out of her way for you to have someone in your life you could trust, you did it to every single person you dated in college and you did it to me." She paused to take a deep breath. "That is all the things I don't know anything about, Sara, and you know what? I'll bet everything I own that you haven't changed that pattern. You want to, but it scares the crap out of you to even think about trying." She reached out and placed a hand on the brunette's shoulder. "You even did it when your mother tried to contact you."

"Get out." Sara started up the car.

"What? No." Veronica stayed put.

"Get out now!" She put the car in gear.

"No, Sara." Veronica reached over and grabbed the keys from the ignition. "I know you and I'm not just gonna run away at the first sight of trouble."

"Get out of the car Veronica. Now. Or I swear I'll throw you out of it." Sara could feel the anger burn inside her. "I mean it. If you know me as well as you think you do, you'll get out of this car right now."

"Ok." Veronica handed over the keys and opened the door. "But we're gonna have to talk sooner or later. If you want to be with Catherine, be with Catherine. At least make an effort to not run away from her."

Sara backed the car out of the driveway as soon as the other woman had closed the door. She realized in the back of her head that Veronica was right, but the anger soon put that thought aside. What the hell made Veronica think that she could talk to her like that?


	4. Fighting

Thank you for the reviews. I will have the next chapter up as soon as I can, but no guarantees for a speedy update, because that bloody anniversary is just way too soon for my liking.

Thank you, Jess. I couldn't do this without you – and I wouldn't want to.

**Chapter Four**

**Fighting**

Sara had driven out to the desert after having left Veronica's house. How dare she? How dare she talk to her like that? Who did she think she was - the goddamn oracle of Delphi? She had no right talking to her like that!

She got out of the car and walked around it, trying to get her anger in check. Veronica had always been able to push her buttons. _'That is if pushing buttons means the same as hitting the nail right on the head.'_ A little voice in the back of her head said. She sighed sitting down on the ground, her head leaning back against the side of the car. It would really help if the little voice wasn't sounding exactly like Veronica.

She took several deep breaths, calming herself down. Veronica had been right, she had never been good at letting people get close to her and she had always run away when people got too close. She hadn't run from Grissom when he'd called her for help, but that was easily explained. He never really took a personal interest in her, he liked her because of her forensics skills and that was it. Or at least that had been it until he asked her out. She shook her head, that was just never going to happen.

She closed her eyes in defeat as she realized that she had just run away from Veronica for the second time.

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"Linds! Dinner is ready!" Catherine yelled up the stairs. She sighed as she went to sit down at the table. The girl was still mad at her and she had no idea how she could fix it.

Lindsey sat down without a word and they started eating. After a while the silence was getting to Catherine.

"Lindsey, we have to talk about this."

"I don't want to talk about it." Lindsey mumbled into her meatloaf.

"Well, I do!" Catherine put down her fork. "I don't know how you got the impression that Sara is not interested in a relationship with me, but you're wrong. She's not just…" She stopped.

"Sleeping with you?" Lindsey asked. "How do you know? It's not like any of the others were interested in anything else!"

"Lindsey!" Catherine couldn't help her voice from rising. "Sara has been through a lot lately and she just needs a little time and that's what I'm giving her."

"And when you're not gonna give her anymore time, she's gonna leave!" Lindsey stood up suddenly, knocking her chair over.

"Lindsey, stop it right now!" Catherine stood up as well.

"Was that why you were a stripper? Just to get people to sleep with you? Are you even sure Dad's my dad?" Lindsey ran up to her room slamming the door, leaving Catherine looking like someone slapped her in the face.

She sat heavily back down looking blankly into space. Was that was Lindsey though of her? She saw her as a common… slut? She thought that she was sleeping around with just anyone? And of course Eddie was a saint! She felt numb and barely registered the tears falling down her cheeks. She had chosen to be open about parts of her past with Lindsey in the hopes that she would never consider stepping in her footsteps, but she had never thought that it would backfire like this. She had tried to show her that she was a strong independent woman who she could look up to. She had tried to show her that you didn't need a man to be all that you can be, by not introducing her to boyfriends or lovers in the past. It had been the right decision, but it had turned her into a slut in her daughter's eyes. She shivered at the thought. How could things have gone so bad? She wasn't sleeping around, she just never found the right one – until now. Or had she? Was Sara really serious about the two of them?

Suddenly Lindsey's final words hit her. She thought that she had… that Eddie wasn't… She couldn't even bare to finish the thought. Of course Eddie is your father! She screamed silently in her head. She slowly got up, wiping the tears from her face and looking towards the stairs. She had to go talk to her daughter again. She walked slowly towards the stairs, but just as she reached the bottom step the doorbell rang and the door swung open revealing her mother and nephew Jeremy.

"Mom?" She looked at the older woman. "What are you doing here?"

"Nancy had to work late," her mother said whilst taking off her jacket and hanging it up, "so I'm watching the kids tonight." She stopped and looked at the knocked over chair in the middle of the room and raised an eyebrow at Catherine.

"Hi, Aunt Catherine." Jeremy said hanging up his jacket. "Can I go watch TV?"

"Hi Jerr," Catherine looked over at him. "Sure, you know how everything works." She gestured towards the living room.

"What happened here?" Lily asked once the boy had left the room.

"Lindsey and I had a fight." Catherine went to the table picking up the chair on her way and started clearing the table.

"About what?" Lily started helping her.

"I don't want to talk about it, mom." Catherine went to the kitchen trying to get a little distance.

"You've been crying." Her mother stated from behind her.

"Mom, I don't want to talk about it and I'm not in the mood for another fight." Catherine leaned against the counter facing away from the older woman.

"Don't raise your voice to me and start one then." She heard her mother go back to the dining room and clear the rest of the table. "You need to spend more time with that girl." She said when she returned to the kitchen. "She's your daughter, that's for sure."

"What do you mean by that?" Catherine sighed inwardly when her mother started up the old argument.

"I mean she's just like you, inside and out. And we all know where that led you."

"Yes, Mom," Catherine sighed starting to wash the dishes. "We all know that." She looked over at the older woman when she stood next to her drying the dishes she was washing. "I am spending more time with her. I'm working the least amount of hours I possibly can and I try the best I can."

"Ok." Her mother didn't sound convinced.

"This fight had nothing to do with that."

"If you say so." Lily put away the plates she had dried off.

"Mom, could we please not fight about this now?" Catherine turned towards her mother with a pleading look. "Could you just call me a cab instead, please? I have to be at work soon."

"Is your car not working?"

"Sara gave me a ride home this morning, my car is still at the lab." Catherine turned away from her again.

"So why don't you have that Sara girl come pick you up again?"

"Because…" Catherine took a deep breath. "I'm not in the mood to be in the confined space of a car with _that Sara girl_ right now. Please just call the cab?" She walked out of the kitchen. "I'm going to get changed."

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"Hey Sara." Nick greeted her when she entered the break room. "You're late."

"What?" Sara looked at her watch, shift wasn't starting for another five minutes.

"You're not in hours early." Nick grinned at her. "How was your day with Catherine?" He asked, wiggling his eyebrows.

"It was fine." Sara poured herself a cup of coffee, avoiding looking at the Texan.

"Just fine?" Nick asked looking closer at her. "I would have thought spending the morning with Catherine Willows would…"

"Shut up, Nick!" Sara walked towards the door. "I'm going to work on the case from yesterday if Grissom asks." She left the room and walked fast down the corridor almost running into Warrick.

"Hey, what's up with her today?" He asked Nick when he stepped into the break room.

"Don't know," Nick shrugged, "I just asked how her day was and she stormed out."

"Trouble in paradise?" Warrick asked, pouring a cup of coffee.

"I don't know." Nick looked down the corridor where Sara had disappeared. "What does Catherine say?"

"I haven't seen her tonight." Warrick shrugged.

"I just hope they'll make up soon." Nick said with a pained smile. "I'm working a case with Sara."

"Ouch." Warrick pretended to be hurt. "Sorry dude."

"Warrick, Nick I need you on a case." Grissom stuck his head in the room interrupting their fun. "Arson." He gave Nick the slip with the information on it.

"What about our case from last night?" Nick asked.

"Sara can cover that." Grissom looked over at Warrick. "I'll write up the report on our case."

"Ok." Warrick got up from his seat. "Hey, Gris?" He stopped the older man from leaving.

"Yes?"

"Have you seen Catherine tonight?"

"She's in her office doing paperwork, waiting on results on her case." Grissom walked away from them.

"Definitely trouble in paradise." Nick said as he got up to leave the room.

"Yeah." Warrick nodded and followed him out the door.

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Catherine sighed looking at all the papers on her desk. She had gone through some already but her concentration was slipping. She couldn't help but think about what had happened over the last few hours. Last night at this time she had been the happiest person alive, but now she was just the opposite. Her daughter thought she was a slut, her mom was riding her about spending more time with said daughter and Sara… Sara was nowhere in sight. She sighed deeply. She needed to think this through before seeking out Sara to talk to her. She needed to yell at her for leaving this morning and making all this happen, but at the same time she also just needed her arms around her comforting her. She tried to focus on the papers in front of her again but failed. She was in love with Sara, but what did the brunette feel about her? She looked up when there was a knock on the door. The door opened before she had a chance to say come in. She hated when people did that.

"Sara?" She was surprised to see that she had come to her instead of it being the other way around.

"Veronica knows I'm ticklish by accident. We had a pillow fight one night and she accidentally tickled me, so that's how she knows."

"What?" Catherine leaned back in her chair confused.

"You asked me that, remember? The morning we all went out for breakfast, when I met Veronica again."

"Yes, but..." She stopped when Sara held up a hand stopping her.

"Just let me do this before I chicken out…" She paused shortly, thinking. "Veronica was my first in so many ways – no not… not that." She clarified when she saw the expression on the blonde's face. "I mean, she was the first person I opened up to, the first person who I could keep trying to push away without success. She was always there. She was the first person who cared whether I was ticklish or not. She saw Sara the person and not just the brain, the scientist, the geek or the foster child. So when I couldn't push her away, I ran away instead. Because that's what I do - I run away when something good happens to me, like being with you. I want to change that, but I'm going to screw up sometimes and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that I wasn't there this morning when you got back with Lindsey. I just got scared. I'm sorry." She stopped her little speech and looked at Catherine.

"Sara, if this is just a good excuse to get laid, I need you to tell me. I can do sex." Catherine fought to keep the tears at bay. "But I can't keep defending your actions to Lindsey if it's…"

Sara went around the desk and kneeled down beside Catherine and turned the chair so she was facing her.

"It's not about sex." She said cupping the blonde's face in her hands. "I want to be with you. I'm so sorry, Cath." She pulled her down for a hug.

"She thinks I'm a slut." Catherine whispered against Sara's hair, finally letting the tears fall.

"What?" Sara held her out looking at her. "Who thinks that?"

"Linds." Catherine looked away from the brunette kneeling in front of her, drying her tears.

"God, Cath." Sara reached up again wiping away the remaining tears with her thumb. "I'm so sorry. I did this, didn't I? I'm so sor…" She was interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Hey Cath." Greg entered without waiting for an answer. "I got the results back from trace…" He stopped when he looked up from the papers he was reading and saw Sara on the floor next to Catherine. "I'm sorry. I'm interrupting. I'll just come back later." He turned walking back out the office, but didn't make it before Catherine spoke up.

"No, Greg." She stood up walking past Sara to the other side of the desk. "Let me see those." She held out her hand for the files.

"I better get back to work as well." Sara got up and walked to the door. "Talk to you later?" She asked Catherine.

"Yes." Catherine nodded.

"After shift?"

"I have to get home and spend time with Lindsey." Catherine looked up from the file shortly.

"Ok." Sara nodded sadly. "I'll call you later then." She patted Greg on the shoulder before leaving the office.

"Everything ok?" Greg asked looking at Catherine.

"It's fine, Greg." Catherine dismissed him. "Where are we on the DNA results?" She asked, shifting back into work mode.


	5. Talking

Reviews make my day, so please let me know what you think of this. And thank you to you girls who have reviewed on chapter 4. I will try to update next week as well, but I give no guarantees, because Monday I start Operation 25th Anniversary.

As always the biggest thank you to Jess, you are so the best!

Enjoy…

**Chapter Five**

**Talking**

Sara sat in her car thinking. She'd been sitting there for over an hour. She had only put in two hours of overtime this morning. She knew she had things to do and somewhere to be, but she was lacking the courage. Catherine had left as soon as shift had finished, Warrick had told her so when she'd met him in the corridor. She hadn't said goodbye to her before leaving and Sara wasn't sure how to take that. She suspected it was because of what she had said about Lindsey thinking that her mother was a… she couldn't even bring herself to think it. Catherine was not a… slut. But Lindsey had gotten that impression somehow, and what could Sara do about that even if the girl did think that?

Once again she found herself thinking about what she could offer Catherine. She heard Veronica's voice filling her head. _'Every time someone starts caring about you, you run away as fast as you can. You deliberately fuck up every relationship in your life. You have to stop doing that, Sara. You deserve to be loved, hon.'_

Veronica. She had hurt her friend, she had threatened her – something she had never done to anyone before. Was she slowly turning into him? He was a bigger part of her life than she would ever admit and she had always feared that she was like him. Now she was even more scared that there was a murder gene. She picked up her phone, dialed a now familiar number and waited for someone to answer.

"_Hello." A sleepy voice said._

"Veronica?" Sara asked.

"_No, it's Kim. Who is this?"_

"It's Sara. Is Veronica up?"

"_No, she's still sleeping. Hang on a sec." Sara could hear rustling of sheets and a door closing before Kimberly started talking again. "She's having trouble sleeping, so I really don't want to wake her. Is it important?"_

"No it's… I just wanted to talk to her, I forgot it's still early. I didn't know she had trouble sleeping."

"_You know how she likes to have everyone think she's strong." Kimberly said with a sigh. "She's making me go back to work Monday and if that isn't bad enough she's going back to work herself Wednesday."_

"What? Is she strong enough for that? I mean, what do the doctors say?" Sara was worried about her friend overdoing it.

"_The only doctor she's listening to is Doctor Veronica Christiansen." She ran a hand through her hair. "She's assured me that it's only light duty and she won't overdo it, but I'm not so sure I believe her."_

"I'm sorry, Kim." Sara didn't know how to make the detective feel better.

"_Yeah, look, Sara, I have to go, Julie's waking up. I'll get Veronica to call you later."_

"No, it's ok, I'll just come by or call her later. Talk to you Monday."

"_Yeah. Talk to you then." _

Sara hung up with a sigh. Like Kimberly, she wasn't sure that Veronica was ready to go back to work yet. She started the car and backed out from the parking space – things to do, places to be.

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Catherine turned in bed with a sigh. She'd only had a couple of hours of sleep before waking up again, and she couldn't fall back to sleep. She hadn't said goodbye to Sara before leaving, she just hadn't had the energy to deal with the inevitable questions the brunette would ask. She felt bad about it, but Lindsey was and would always be her first priority, and she needed sleep if she was going to spend the day with her daughter. So she had avoided Sara on purpose – and still she wasn't getting any sleep. She turned over again hoping it would help but it didn't, she was wide awake and had too many thoughts running wild in her head to get any rest. She lifted her head, looking at the closed bedroom door when she heard the doorbell ring. She dropped her head back in the pillows with a sigh, deciding that her mother could deal with whoever was at the door.

She needed to do something about her daughter. She needed to have a serious talk with Sara. She needed to find out exactly what Sara wanted from her. She turned over again with a sigh. She really needed to sleep.

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Sara stood outside Catherine's door with her hands in her pockets. She wasn't sure how she was going to do this, she wasn't even sure what she was going to do at all. She wanted to change her habits of running away from people who cared about her, she wanted to be with Catherine. She wanted to… She turned towards the door when it opened.

"Hello, Sara." Catherine's mother greeted her.

"Mrs. Flynn, hi." Sara suddenly felt like a teenager at a friend's house again. "Did Catherine get back home yet?" She asked, trying not to show how nervous she was.

"She's sleeping." Lily said, watching Sara closely.

"Oh right." Sara nodded. "Is Lindsey up yet?"

"Yes," Lily opened the door fully to let her in. "She's in the backyard. She had a fight with Jeremy and went out there to cool off."

"Right, I'll just…" Sara pointed towards the doors leading to the backyard, "go talk to her."

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Catherine wondered briefly who was at the door, but quickly forgot about it again as other subjects pushed their way into her thoughts again. She wanted to be in a relationship with Sara, she really did, but was it all worth it? Would the brunette be able to overcome her insecurities and really be with Catherine? And what about Lindsey? How was she going to convince her that she wasn't a… a slut, basically. She had tried so hard for years to show her little girl that she was a professional, self confident and strong woman. She had tried to give her something to look up to, but now she realized that she had failed. She had failed as a parent.

She turned over again and didn't even try to stop the tears falling. How could she not have noticed that she had failed her little girl?

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Sara closed the doors quietly behind her before walking over to the girl sitting at a table on the porch.

"Hi, Lindsey." She said, sitting down opposite her.

Lindsey looked up at her and Sara noticed the sad expression on her face before it was quickly masked with disinterest.

"What do you want?" She asked looking away from her crossing her arms over her chest.

"I wanted to talk to you." Sara tried to get eye contact with the young Willows, but didn't succeed. "I wanted to talk to you about your mother and me. About our relationship…" She stopped, at a loss for words.

"Like I care." Lindsey muttered. "I know what it's all about anyway."

"I don't think you do, Lindsey." Sara said softly. She looked out to the garden, away from the girl. "I care about Catherine. I care more about her than anyone I have ever cared about."

"As long as you don't have to deal with me." Lindsey said angrily.

"That's not true. I do want to spend time with you, but…" Sara stopped, wondering if Lindsey was still too young for this kind of conversation. "But I'm not good with people. I tend to mess things up even when I don't want to." She decided to risk talking to Lindsey as an adult. "I can't help it. It's something I've always done, but it's also something I want to change. I want to change for me and for your mom, but also for you. If I'm going to be in a relationship with your mother, I'm going to be in your life too and I don't want to mess up your life if it turns out that I'm going to fail. Do you understand that?"

"It feels like you don't like me." Lindsey muttered. "It's like you're like everyone else and just want to be with mom because she sleeps with you. They all have excuses why they don't want to spend time with me."

"This isn't an excuse…" Sara started.

"Yes it is!" Lindsey got up. "You tell me it's for my own good, but then how come I feel so bad? You're already messing things up!" She made a move to leave.

"No, wait." Sara held up her hands. "I'm sorry. I'm not explaining this right." She sighed and looked up at the girl. "I love her, Lindsey. I'm in love with her. I haven't even told her, but I'm telling you. I _want_ to be with her and I _want_ you and me to spend time together. I'm just…" She paused looking down at her hands, "I'm scared, Lindsey."

"Scared?" Lindsey sat back down. "Why?"

"Because I've never had a family." Sara said simply. "I never had people who cared about me just because."

"Why?" Lindsey leaned forward, opening up a little.

Suddenly Sara realized how young the girl really was and looked at her with a sad smile.

"It's a long story that I need to tell your mom before I even think about telling you."

"Ok." Lindsey leaned back again, but without the previous hostility in her body language. They sat in silence for a few minutes. "This could still be an excuse."

"It's not."

"She's sleeping." Lindsey changed the subject.

"Your grandmother told me." Sara stifled a yawn.

"Are you tired?"

"Yeah, I should get going." Sara got up. "I promise to try harder, Lindsey." She said honestly – she was really going to try.

"If you stayed it would be easier not to run away." Lindsey mumbled, looking at her.

"I'm not sure Catherine wants me to be here today." Sara told her truthfully.

"You could ask her." Lindsey got up as well. "I can wake you up around two. I mean, I can just knock on the door."

Sara noticed the blush spreading on the girl's face, and felt her own face burning as well.

"I guess I could ask her." She smiled, trying to cover her embarrassment.

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Catherine didn't turn around when the door opened and someone entered the room. She heard someone walk softly to the bed and felt the mattress move when the person lay down behind her. She turned around and found herself looking at Sara.

"Sorry, I thought you were sleeping, I didn't want to wake you." The brunette whispered.

"What are you doing here, Sara?" She whispered back.

"I came by to talk to Lindsey." She reached out to caress the blonde's cheek. "And she told me I could sleep here." She smiled. "If it was ok with you, that is. But I didn't want to wake you."

"You didn't." Catherine cuddled into the other woman. "Why are you still wearing your jeans and top?"

"Uhm, because Lindsey's going to wake us up later." Sara was happy that the room was too dark for Catherine to see the blush covering her cheeks.

"Oh." Catherine got up from the bed and found a t-shirt and a pair of shorts for Sara to wear.

"I'm sorry, Catherine." She whispered when she had changed and climbed back in bed.

"I know." Catherine felt the other woman's arms encircle her from behind, holding her close.

"I got scared."

The quiet admission surprised the blonde. She placed her hand over Sara's.

"We should sleep." She whispered.

"Yeah."

They shifted around finding a more comfortable position and settled down to sleep. Just as she was finally drifting off she heard Sara's whisper again.

"I love you, Catherine."


	6. The Amber Alert

Thanks again for the reviews I've received on this, it really helps writing the next parts, so feel free to review again.

So, finally I was able to get a new case into this and I hope I do it all justice, just remember I'm Danish, so I get my knowledge about the American way of doing this from TV and English still isn't my first language.

Jess, thank you. I'm running out of ways to express my gratitude, so I'll go with the simple thank you again this time.

Oh and the anniversary went very well and is finally over – that was one hard week to get through.

**Chapter Six**

**The Amber Alert**

Lindsey knocked on the door at two o'clock as she had promised. When she didn't get a reaction she knocked harder. "Mom?" She shouted through the door. "Are you awake?"

"Mmmm." Catherine mumbled into Sara's side, making the brunette chuckle. Catherine was just too adorable waking up.

"We're awake, Lindsey." She shouted back.

"Ok." Lindsey stayed behind the door. "Do you want coffee?" She asked.

"Catherine, do you want coffee?" Sara nudged the blonde.

"Mhmm." Catherine turned over on her back nodding.

"Yes please." Sara informed Lindsey on the other side of the door. "We'll be out soon." She turned and faced Catherine. "You know, it's not nice making me deal with Lindsey when I just woke up."

Catherine brought her arm up covering her eyes, yawning deeply. She peeked out under her arm as a smile formed on her lips.

"Serves you right for running yesterday." She said between yawns. "Besides," She said, rolling over on her side again, "we're fighting, so she's not talking to me right now."

"Ok." Sara brought her hand up to caress her cheek. "Good thing I'm a better morning person than you then."

"Mhm." Catherine nodded, shimmying closer. "Morning." She said, kissing Sara lightly on the lips.

"Morning." Sara stretched and proceeded to get out of bed. "Better go get the coffee while it's hot." She said to Catherine with a wink. She put her clothes on quickly and left the bedroom.

Catherine rolled over with a sigh when the brunette had left the room. Was she just supposed to forgive everything because Sara had apologized to her? Sure, she had talked to Lindsey, but she had hurt the girl first. This was definitely not over, they would still have a lot to talk about before everything would be alright. She wasn't sure that she could keep dealing with Sara being so closed off, especially since the relationship seemed to be developing faster than any previous relationships she'd been in.

Getting up, she put on her robe before joining her daughter and lover in the kitchen. They were both sitting at the table watching the TV intently.

"Morning Linds." She said, going straight to the coffeepot.

"Morning Mom." Lindsey didn't look up from the TV screen.

"When did your grandmother leave?" Catherine ignored the news reporter on the screen and focused on her daughter.

"A couple of hours ago." Lindsey looked up at her shortly. "Can I watch this, mom?"

"Catherine, I think I need to go in early." Sara looked up at her too.

"What?" The blonde looked over at her incredulously. "But…"

"There's a little girl missing." Lindsey interrupted her, pointing at the TV.

"How long?" Catherine started focussing on the screen. There was a picture of a pretty little blonde girl, no more than 6 years old.

Just as Sara was about to answer her question the reporter started speaking again.

"_Ashleigh Adams is six years old and has been missing since around 11.30 this morning. Her parents had taken her to the park, where she disappeared, and so far there has been no trace of her. Ashleigh was wearing a pair of jeans and a pink sweater with a white t-shirt underneath. The police ask that anyone has seen the girl immediately contact the nearest police station. The picture on your screen was taken 3 months ago, so if you have seen this little girl in the last two and a half hours please call the police. Any small piece of information can help the investigation."_

"Hey, that's Grissom." Lindsey pointed at the screen when it showed the crime scene. "And uncle Warrick, Nick and Greg.

"Why are they processing the scene? They're not on yet." Catherine asked no one in particular, watching Grissom putting his phone to his ear on the screen. Seconds later Sara's cell started ringing.

"Grissom?" Sara was sure it was him calling.

"_Sara." Grissom scratched his head on the screen. "We have an Amber alert and we could use you here."_

"I'm watching right now. Where do you need me?"

"_At the park, we have a lot of ground to cover. I'll call Catherine as well."_

"You can talk to her now, she's standing next to me." She handed the phone to the blonde.

"Grissom?" Catherine looked over at her daughter.

"_I know it's your day off, but we need all hands on deck here, Catherine." Grissom almost sounded sorry._

"Yeah," Catherine sighed, "I need to make arrangements for Lindsey and then I'll be there." She sent an apologetic look to her daughter. "At the park?"

"_No." Grissom paused. "I want you to handle the parents."_

"Aren't they at the park?"

"_No, we sent them home in case someone should contact them with a ransom." He gave her the address._

"Who's with them?" Catherine needed all the information she could get.

"_Sofia and Shaw." Grissom sounded distracted. "I might have something here, let me know when you get to the parents." With that he hung up._

"Lindsey, I'm sorry…" Catherine turned towards her daughter. "I have to…"

"It's ok, Mom." Lindsey stopped her.

"I'll see you later." Sara finished her coffee and gave Catherine a quick peck on the cheek, while pulling her hair into a ponytail.

"Yeah." Catherine said distractedly still looking at her daughter.

"Bye Lindsey." Sara left.

"Bye Sara." Lindsey looked after the brunette as she left. Looking back at her mother she opened her mouth to say something, but shut it again before doing so.

"Lindsey, I'm so sorry. I know I promised that…"

"No, mom. It's ok. Really. It's just…" She paused again.

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry." Lindsey looked up at her. "I'm sorry about yelling at you yesterday and stuff."

"I want us to talk about all this, Lindsey. Maybe with Sara here as well, if…" She stopped, but then decided to continue. "If I can get her to be there. But I do want us to talk this through. I don't want you to think of me like that."

"I think you can get Sara to be there." Lindsey offered for the time being, dismissing the rest of what her mother had said.

"Maybe." Catherine sighed. "I better call your aunt." She picked up her phone, while putting her free arm around Lindsey and pulling the girl into her in a hug.

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When Catherine pulled up to the Adams family's house she instantly knew that they would not be receiving a ransom call or note. The house was a normal middleclass suburban house, not a place where people who could afford a big ransom would live. So either the child was taken by a very unprofessional kidnapper or she was taken by a pedophile. Catherine had her money on the last suggestion. With a sigh she got out of the car, putting on her professional face and walking towards the house with her kit in hand.

Kimberly Shaw greeted her just outside the house, wanting to fill her in before she entered.

"I thought you were on leave." Catherine greeted the detective.

"I was supposed to come back Monday." Kimberly told her.

"Hell of a case to come back to." Catherine looked up and down the street.

"Yeah." Kimberly nodded. "The parents are inside, they're very shaken up. I think they're on the same page as us, but they're still hoping that this will be 'just' a kidnapping."

"No indication that they did something to the girl?" Catherine hated having to ask that question.

"No." Kimberly shook her head. "We haven't seen anything in their behavior that would suggest that." The detective looked up at the clear sky. "God, in cases like this I just want to get my kid, hold her close and never let go."

"I know how you feel." Catherine put a hand on her arm and squeezed lightly in support. "Let's get inside." She nodded towards the door and they went in.

Shaw guided her to the living room where the parents of the little girl were sitting on the couch looking at the phone lying on the table in front of them. Sofia was sitting in a chair opposite them, she looked up when they entered the room.

"Hey." She got up offering the chair to Catherine, who sat down whilst nodding to the detective.

"Mr. and Mrs. Adams, I'm Catherine Willows from the crime lab. I'm sorry about your daughter, but I assure you that we are all doing everything we can to find her again."

"Thank you." Mrs. Adams looked up with tears in her eyes.

"The thing is…" Catherine paused shortly making sure that she had their attention. "We have to cover all bases, especially in a case with a lost child, so I am here to process your house. And I'll need your permission to do so." She looked at both of them.

"You think…" Mr. Adams got up from the couch. "You think that we did something to Ash?" He asked the three of them. "We would never hurt our little girl. She's…" He stopped, turning away from them. "She's our princess." He started sobbing quietly. Mrs. Adams just stared at them blankly.

Catherine looked up at the two detectives before talking again.

"We don't think you've done anything to Ashleigh, but we have to make sure." When she didn't get any response from either of them parents she continued. "There are probably fifty people working the scene at the park and we're only three people here."

Mr. Adams turned around and looked at her again, seemingly having gotten his emotions under control again.

"Look anywhere you want. Do I have to sign anything?" He asked, sitting back down next to his wife.

"Yes." Catherine nodded and pulled out a form from her kit. "If you could sign right there." She handed him the piece of paper. "And we are going to need something of Ashleigh's, something she wore recently. They're going to use dogs to pick up her trail and…"

"We already sent a patrol with a jacket." Sofia stopped her.

"Right." Catherine got up when and took the paper Mr. Adams handed her. She looked him in the eyes. "I'm sorry."

"Thanks." He looked down his shoulder slumped.


	7. The Crime Scene

So sorry for the lack of updates, but life has been a bitch lately with Christmas and all. Thank you everyone who have reviewed so far, it means the world to me, so please feel free to leave more reviews :-D

Jess, as always thank you, thank you, thank you – you are the best!

I just have to say that I don't know very much about dogs and especially not the police kind, so if what I'm describing in this chapter isn't possible, could we then just pretend that it is? For the sake of the story… Enjoy…

**Chapter Seven**

**The Crime Scene**

Arriving at the crime scene, Sara drove up and parked behind the canine unit. She got her kit from the back of her car and joined Grissom who was talking to the dog handler.

"Hi Gris. What do you want me to do?" She asked the old man.

"Sara, I need you to follow the dogs." He turned to the man he was talking to. "This is Officer Taylor, he'll be leading the dogs."

The two of them shook hands. "Anytime you're ready, ma'am." The officer said to her.

"I just have to put my jacket in the car, and then I'm ready." Sara said, shrugging off her jacket and walking towards her car. It was too hot to run in a jacket. "Let's go." She said when she returned a few seconds later.

The dogs picked up the scent within seconds and immediately went in the general direction of the toilets.

"She's definitely been here." Taylor informed her, stopping in front of the bathrooms. He was holding the dogs back so Sara could have a good look at the area.

"Do you have something?" Nick asked, walking out of the building.

"No." Sara shook her head. "I just got here, you?"

"No." He shook his head. "I got samples from different places in there, but nothing concrete."

"The dogs definitely place her here." Sara told him, looking around.

"The scent seems to end over here." Taylor yelled to them from the side of the building.

They joined him in front of a row of big bushes and looked at each other, both knowing what the other thought – the bushes were a great cover for someone keeping an eye on the toilets.

"Are they picking up on her leaving here again?" Sara asked.

"No, ma'am," Taylor shook his head. "The trail ends here; we'll try to search farther away, but…" He made a gesture with his arms as if saying that it would most likely be a waste of time.

"Ok." Sara looked back at the bushes. "Could you call me if you pick up the scent again? I'll start processing here."

"Sure thing ma'am." Taylor replied, and led the dogs away from them.

"You have a new admirer there, Sara." Nick commented with a grin as he snapped on his gloves.

"Huh?" Sara looked back at the retreating officer. "No." She shook her head. "You take that end," she pointed to the back of the building, "and I'll take this end till we meet in the middle."

"Sure." Nick nodded and went down the path. "I still say he's gonna ask you out when we finish here." He yelled back to her with a smile.

"Not gonna happen, Nick." She yelled back, snapping on her gloves.

"Care to make a bet on that?" Nick walked back towards her.

"What?" Sara looked at him. "Nick, we have a job to do here."

"I know." Nick looked serious for a moment then smiled at her. "If I'm right you buy me breakfast, if I'm wrong then I'm buying?"

"Will it get you to work faster?" Sara asked mockingly. "Ok, sure." She held out her hand and they shook on it.

They continued to work in the bushes for a while when Sara found a pink barrette on the ground where the leaves were messed up. "Nick, I got something here." She yelled out.

He moved down to her carefully. "What is it?" He asked.

"Was the girl wearing a pink barrette?" Sara asked, pointing at it on the ground. When Nick nodded she snapped a couple of pictures before picking it up placing and it in an evidence bag.

"Looks like a fight took place here." Nick mused. Sara only nodded, taking more pictures of the scene. "Hey, what's that?" He asked, pointing at something white on the ground in between the bushes.

"Looks like a handkerchief." Sara snapped more pictures and Nick picked up the item.

"Ma'am?" Taylor was standing at the end of the row of bushes looking at them.

"Yes?" Sara turned her head and looked at him.

"They're not picking up anything else." He said, pointing at the dogs.

"Which means he probably carried her away from here." Sara turned back to Nick.

"Yeah." He nodded. "You think he dropped this during the fight with the girl?" He asked, holding up the hankie.

"It's worth a shot," Sara said getting up, "but it's evidence. We should ask Grissom before we do anything with it." She pulled out her phone calling Grissom.

"_Grissom."_

"It's Sara. Grissom we might have found the place she was taken."

"_Where?"_

"There's a row of bushes on the side of the toilet building. We're standing between the wall and the bushes." Sara told him.

"_I'm on my way." He hung up the phone._

"He's on his way." Sara answered Nick's questioning glance.

He bagged the handkerchief and they went to the edge of the bushes to wait for Grissom.

"It's always worse when it's a kid missing." Taylor said, trying to make small talk.

"Yeah." Sara replied absentmindedly, looking out for Grissom.

"You have kids, ma'am?" He proceeded to ask.

"What?" Sara looked at him, but caught the smile Nick was hiding behind his hand out of the corner of her eye. "No. No, I don't have kids."

"Your husband doesn't want kids?"

"I'm not married. Look…" Sara started, but was interrupted by Grissom arriving.

"What've you got?" He asked.

"Signs of a struggle in the bushes, a pink barrette and…" She motioned for Nick to show Grissom the hankie, "…this."

"The barrette matches the description of the girl's." Grissom looked at it. "I'll send it back to the lab with Greg."

"Are we using the handkerchief on the dogs?" Nick asked. "It could destroy the DNA evidence on it, but it might lead us to the secondary crime scene."

"We have to preserve the evidence." Grissom said, looking down at the dogs. "We can't risk them ruining the possible DNA on the handkerchief."

"I know." Nick said with a sigh. "I just thought I'd run the idea by you."

"What if…" Sara interrupted them. "Could the dogs get a good scent sniffing at the top of the open evidence bag with the handkerchief in it?" She asked Taylor.

"I don't know." He said with a shrug of his shoulders. "But I guess it's worth a try."

Sara looked at Grissom for permission. He thought about it for a minute then nodded.

"It could work." He mused. "Try it, but the dogs cannot get in contact with the handkerchief."

"Ok." Sara took the bag from Nick and handed it to Taylor. Grissom left them alone to get Greg to go to the lab with the evidence they had so far.

They led the dogs to the end of the bushes and held the bag up to their noses. They sniffed the bag a little while before sniffing around on the ground. Both Nick and Sara followed their actions closely and high-fived each other when they were led down a path towards the parking lot.

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Catherine met up with Sofia in the hallway of the Adams house.

"There's nothing here." She told her. "I've been through everything including the car and I found nothing indicating a crime."

"Good." Sofia looked at the pictures on the wall. "I hate cases with kids." She sighed.

"Me too." Catherine looked at the pictures as well. "I got her brush and toothbrush for DNA comparison." She held up two bags.

"Let's hope we don't need those." Sofia said, looking at the pink toothbrush.

"Do you know why the nightshift is running this?" Catherine asked her.

"Yeah, the dayshift was swamped with a casino robbery and shooting with multiple vics, so you guys were called in to cover for them."

"Ok." Catherine nodded in understanding and changed the subject. "How are they holding up?" She asked, looking towards the living room.

"They're barely keeping it together." Sofia shook her head. "I think deep down they know that this is not just a simple kidnapping."

"Hell of a case for Shaw to come back to."

"Yeah, but thank God she did. I don't think I could handle another case with Mills." She said, referring to the man who had temporarily filled Kimberly's position. "He wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed."

"I know." Catherine sighed. "He almost got my last case thrown out because of a technicality." She shook her head at the memory. "I better call Gil and see how things are going at the park." She got out her phone but it started ringing before she could dial the number. "Willows." She answered, not bothering to check the display for caller ID.

"_Hey Cath." It was Sara. "Are you still with the parents?"_

"Yeah, I just finished processing. There's nothing here. I picked up the girl's brush and toothbrush for DNA comparison." She informed her. "Did you guys find anything?"

"_We found the place she was taken. There were signs of a struggle between the bushes next to the bathrooms."_

"Ok." Catherine looked up at Sofia. "I'll ask the parents if she usually went alone. Did you get anything else?"

"_Yeah, the dogs led us to the parking lot, but we're at a dead end right now. Nick's gonna process it and I'm heading back to the lab with what little evidence we have." Sara sighed._

"Ok." Catherine nodded. "Do you need anything else?" Sara didn't answer right away and Catherine thought for a moment that she had hung up. "Sara?"

"_Yeah."_

"You need anything else?" Catherine turned her back to Sofia for a little privacy. "Are you ok?" She asked in a softer tone of voice.

"_Yeah." Sara sighed again. "I could use a hug though." She said, sounding a little embarrassed at her admission._

"Oh, well…" Catherine started but was interrupted.

"_Hold on, Cath. Grissom wants to talk to you."_

"_Catherine?"_

"Gil?" Catherine shook her head at his bad timing. "What's up?"

"_I think you should bring the parents to the lab. Brass already sent a couple of officers to the house to keep an eye on it."_

"What if someone calls?" Catherine knew that no one would call, but they at least had to have all bases covered.

"_We are working on forwarding the phone to the lab as we speak. But this isn't just a kidnapping, all the evidence points to…"_

"I know, Gil." Catherine sighed. "We'll bring them in as soon as the officers get here."

"_Good. I'll see you back at the lab."_

"Yes, I'll…" Catherine didn't get further when she realized that he'd hung up the phone. "Damn." She looked down at it before turning back to Sofia. "We're bringing the parents to the lab."

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Grissom handed the phone back to Sara without a word, leaving her alone with Nick on the scene. Looking at it she realized that he'd hung up.

"Damn." She muttered, just loud enough for Nick to hear.

"You ok?" He asked from where he was crouched on the ground studying an oil stain.

"Yeah." Sara nodded. "He just hung up." She held up the phone.

Nick was about to say something sympathetic when someone else beat him to talking.

"Miss Sidle?" Taylor walked up to them.

"Yeah?" Sara turned and looked at him. "The dogs get anything new?"

"No. No, I was just wondering if you'd want to have dinner sometime?" He smiled at her. "When this is all over of course." He added.

"Oh." Sara looked uncomfortable. "Uhm, no. I'm involved with someone." She felt the blush spreading on her face and saw Nick grinning out of the corner of her eyes.

"Well, it was worth a shot." Taylor looked over at Nick. "I'll see you guys later." And then he quickly walked away from them.

"I'm heading back to the lab." Sara looked over at Nick who wasn't even trying to hide the smile on his face.

"Sure." He nodded and she walked towards her car. "Hey Sara?" He yelled at her.

"Yeah?" She turned back, she knew he wouldn't just let her leave.

"Where are you taking me for breakfast?" He asked laughing.

"Funny, Nick." She turned back towards her car again.

"Can I please be the one to tell Catherine?" He jogged up to her. "I want to see her face when she finds out."


	8. Lost

I can keep apologizing for the lack of updates, but I'm just not sure when it'll get better. Thank you so much for the reviews, they make my day.

Jess, thank you. You're still the best.

Enjoy chapter 8 and if you have a minute please let me know what you think of it.

**Chapter Eight**

**Lost**

It had been over 72 hours since the disappearance of Ashleigh Adams and they still hadn't found anything to help them find her. Bringing the parents in for questioning hadn't helped, the only thing they had found out was that Ashleigh was adamant on being a 'big girl' and that meant going to the bathroom alone. Occasionally she would forget to tell her parents that she was going and they blamed themselves that they hadn't discovered that she was gone sooner. Catherine, who had been in charge of the interview, had unsuccessfully tried to convince them otherwise – children did things like that and no one but the perpetrator could be blamed for this crime.

Sara and Nick had both hoped that the handkerchief would be the one piece of evidence that would break the case, but as it turned out it wasn't. They had successfully gotten DNA off it and Wendy had run the tests but the perp wasn't on the register. The oil stain Nick had collected on the secondary scene hadn't given them anything probative either. Witnesses had tried to describe any cars they had seen in the parking spot, but that just meant that they had four different model cars to look for; an impossible task considering that none of said witnesses had noticed the licence plate numbers. There was no reason for them to do so. The lot hadn't had surveillance, the only place in Vegas that didn't – of course a paedophile would choose a place like that to take a kid.

So in short, they had nothing. They had nothing that could help them find the little girl.

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Sara rubbed her eyes. They were watering up from staring at the computer screen for hours. She and Archie had been trying to triangulate video surveillance from the store across the street from the park, but it wasn't working, too many trees were blocking the view. Next step was trying to find something that might show a reflection of the parking lot, but she wasn't hopeful – this kidnapping seemed to have been planned very carefully. Besides, this was the second time they were looking at the tapes. She looked up when someone else entered the room.

"Archie, you look like you could use a cup of coffee." Catherine smiled at the tech, nodding her head towards the break room.

"Yeah, I really could." He got up and left them with one last look at the tired brunette.

"Hey." Catherine stepped further into the room. "You look tired. You been home since this case started?" She asked, sitting down in Archie's chair.

"I slept on the couch in the break room a couple of times." Sara said, looking back up on the screen.

"That's not what I asked, Sara." Catherine looked directly at her. "You need to go home and relax, get some sleep, forget about this for a little while."

"Yeah? You been home yet?" Sara countered, still looking intently at the frozen screen.

"I have." Catherine nodded, reaching out turning Sara's chair so she was facing her. "And I'm going back home again now. Come with me?"

"I need to finish this."

"Sara," Catherine's voice turned softer, "this case is cold. Gil already assigned new cases to Warrick, Nick and Greg. There's nothing more we can do right now."

"It's a little girl, Cath!" Sara got up from her seat and turned away from the blonde.

"I know, hon." Catherine got up placing her hands gently on the shoulders in front of her. "And the minute we get something – anything to go on we're opening it up again, but there's nothing here." She moved her hands down and slipped them around the brunette's waist pulling her against her own body. "Come home with me and sleep?"

Sara relaxed into the body behind her. She knew that Catherine was right, but it was hard to accept that there was nothing more they could do for the little girl. She hadn't seen the blonde for most of the 72 hours that had passed; she hadn't even taken the time to call her.

"I'm sorry Grissom hung up on you." She said out of the blue.

"What?" Catherine took a small step back from their embrace.

"When I called you at the parents house. I wanted to talk to you but he hung up, so I figured you were busy or something." Sara missed the contact from Catherine's body.

"Oh." The blonde stepped back to her previous spot. "No, he hung up on me. And I guess I'm a little late with that hug." She said holding on a little tighter.

"I should have called you back." Sara mused. "I was just…"

"Hey guys." Nick interrupted them stepping into the room. "Sorry, am I interrupting?"

"No, it's ok Nick." Sara stepped out of the embrace. "You have anything new on the case?"

"No, sorry." Nick shook his head, glancing at Catherine trying to judge whether or not he actually was interrupting. "Grissom gave me a new case to work."

"Ok." Sara ran a hand through her hair. "We have nothing here either." She said sadly, looking at the screen. "Nothing like this should happen to any child." She said strongly.

"I know." Nick nodded looking down, but not before Catherine noticed the tears in his eyes.

"We did everything we could with the evidence we have." She said, moving over to rub his back gently, remembering what he had told her had happened to him when he was nine. "There's nothing more we can do for now." She said to both of them. "You're not helping her by working yourselves to death with evidence that's not there. Nick," she looked at her watch, "shift ended 20 minutes ago. Go home, get some sleep and we'll see you tonight."

"But I'm on a new case." He tried to protest.

Catherine looked down at the file he had placed on the table. "A B&E. It can wait, go home."

"But the scene…" Nick tried.

"If you haven't processed the scene yet, bump it to dayshift. We've covered enough for them in the past."

"I processed it already." Nick mumbled. "Hey, Sara, what about buying me the breakfast you owe me then, since Catherine doesn't want me in the lab?"

"I…" Sara avoided looking at Catherine.

"You owe him breakfast?" Catherine asked, noticing the blush spreading on Sara's face. "Why?"

"You haven't told her?" The expression on Nick's face was a mix between the kid on Christmas morning and the kid who got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. "Oops." He said with an apologetic smile thrown Sara's way.

"Told me what?" Catherine moved back towards Sara.

"Nothing really," Sara looked over at Nick. "I think we'll do breakfast later. I should get home, get some sleep." She moved to leave the room.

"Just where do you think you're going?" The tone in Catherine's voice stopped her dead in her tracks. The blonde had a feeling that she wasn't really going to like what the bet had been about, but she still pushed the subject. "Why do you owe Nick breakfast?" She repeated her question. When Sara didn't answer she turned her attention to Nick. "Nick?"

"Uhm." Nick glanced over at Sara. "It was just a stupid bet to get a little distanced from the case really."

"Yeah, I kinda figured as much." Catherine carefully placed her hands on her hips, sending the two her sternest look. "What was the bet about?" Neither of the two answered her, but started edging closer to the door. "We're not leaving this room until one of you tells me," she knew she was contradicting her earlier statements, "so one of you better start talking."

"Hey, Sara." Archie walked back into the room not noticing the tension. "An Officer Taylor told me to say hi and ask if you have changed you mind about dinner." He told her with a smile and a wink.

"What?" Catherine realized that her outburst was a little too forceful when Archie, who didn't know about her relationship with the brunette, looked at her strangely. "You two made a bet to see if you could get someone to ask Sara out?" She moved towards the door while talking. "That's just great!" With that she quickly left the room.

"What just happened?" Archie asked.

Sara looked at the two of them before smacking Nick on the back of the head. "Thanks a lot guys." She said and followed Catherine out the door.

"I'm sorry!" Nick called out after her.

"What just happened?" Archie asked again looking at Nick.

"It's just been a hard case, man." Nick looked down the corridor after Sara. "I'm gonna head out too. I'll see you later." He left a confused looking Archie alone in the room.

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Sara rang Catherine's doorbell for the second time. She had just missed her in the CSI parking lot. She wasn't really sure why the blonde had blown things out of proportion, but she was going to fix it. Ringing again she silently cursed when no one answered the door. She knew Catherine was home because her car was parked in the driveway.

"Catherine?" She shouted banging her fists against the door. "It wasn't what you think it is!" She banged a little harder. "Would you just let me…" Suddenly the door flew open. "Explain?" She finished lowering her voice.

"I'm listening." Catherine crossed her arms over her chest, but didn't make a move to let Sara in the door.

"Nick said that the guy would ask me out and I said he wouldn't. We made a stupid bet, because these cases get to everyone and we needed to get a little distance to it. It was a stupid bet and I lost."

"Ok." Catherine nodded her acceptance of the explanation. "Why didn't you just tell me that?" She looked up at her.

"I don't know. I just didn't think it was a big deal." Sara shook her head. "I said no." She added.

"I got that from what Archie said." Catherine looked down at her feet for a minute before looking back up at Sara. "I don't know if I can keep doing this dance, Sara. You let me in, you push me away. I need more, I need to know you're with me, I need…" She sighed. "I need some time to clear my head, get my thoughts in order."

"Ok." Sara nodded, her entire body had frozen at Catherine's words.

"I'll just…" Catherine sighed again. "I'll see you at work tonight, ok?"

"Yeah." Sara nodded again. "I'll just… I'll leave." She started backing up.

"Sara, please get some sleep." Catherine stepped out of the house following her retreat.

"Sure." Sara nodded for the third time. She felt as if things were going in slow motion. She realized she had reached her car and fumbled in her pockets for her keys. "I'll… bye." She breathed out and jumped in the car. She sat there for a few minutes trying to get her body to cooperate, all the while more feeling than seeing Catherine still watching her from the door.

Finally she had enough control to back out of the driveway and drive away. She didn't know where she was going, but just kept driving around the city. She was vaguely aware that she shouldn't even be behind the wheel with all the hours she had been working on very little sleep, she'd heard the tales of the doctors who had ruined their or others lives doing that. But somehow she knew that if she stopped, she would break down.

Was Catherine breaking up with her? Had she ruined the relationship - a relationship that had hardly started yet - already?


	9. Sleeping In My Car

I am so sorry for the lack of updates, really, really sorry, but I just haven't been writing much of anything lately. So here is an official plea: If anyone has seen my muse, could you please tell her to come back home. I am not mad for her leaving without telling, I am just worried and would like her to come home, so I can see that she is ok.

Thank you so much for still being with me on this story even though I'm not updating as regularly as I would like. Also thanks for the reviews, they are muchly appreciated. It helps with the direction of the story to know what you think of all the things I put our poor girls through. Finally a big, big thank you to Jess, who is just the best beta in the world!

**Chapter Nine**

**Sleeping In My Car**

It felt like she had been driving around for hours but looking at her watch she realized it had only been about thirty minutes since she had left Catherine's place. She vaguely registered the tears running silently down her cheeks and wiped them off with an irritated grunt. She couldn't believe that such a stupid unimportant bet could ruin her relationship with Catherine.

"_Was that all it was? Just the bet?" _The little voice in her head asked her. She pulled the car over to a stop at the curb, hiding her head in her hands trying to get her emotions under control. Looking up she realized just where she was – across the street from Veronica's house. She put her head back down on her hands, not quite having the courage to seek out her friend.

If she was still her friend.

Feeling incredibly tired she stopped the car and put the keys in her pocket before she closed her eyes, just wanting to forget for a second or two. She felt her body relax more and soon she drifted off to sleep.

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Catherine watched silently as Sara drove away from the house. She wasn't sure what she was saying to Sara, all she knew was that she couldn't go on like this. She was in love with the brunette, but she needed stability as well. With a sigh she went back inside. She picked up the purse she had thrown on the couch and placed it on the kitchen counter. Looking around she decided against starting to clean the house and opted for a little sleep instead. She had been home during the Adams case, but she hadn't gotten much sleep. She had been too worried. Worried about the little girl, worried about her own little girl and worried about Sara. This morning however, she knew that her body was tired enough to fall asleep instead of letting her thoughts keep her awake.

Laying her head down on the pillow, she slowly reached her hand out and placed it on the spot Sara had occupied over three days ago. Her last thought before falling asleep was - how can we make this work?

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Veronica looked out the window for the fourth time in fifteen minutes. She had noticed a car pulling up and it was parked too far away for her to see the driver properly, but he or she hadn't moved the whole time she'd watching. She didn't really sense something out of the ordinary or threatening about the car, but then again she hadn't felt that walking into her bedroom when she was taken by Dunne and Burns, so she decided to go wake up her wife.

"Hon," she shook her wife gently. "Kim, wake up."

"What?" The blonde opened her eyes slowly. "Is it noon already?" She asked with a yawn.

"No." Veronica shook her head and brushed the hair out of her wife's face. "There's been a car parked across the street for the last 20 minutes." She explained. "I thought you'd like to take a look at it and the driver."

"What?" Kimberly got out of bed quickly and picked up a box from under the bed. Pushing in a combination she opened it and pulled out a gun.

"I know you're a cop and know how to handle those," the doctor wrinkled her face and pointed at the gun, "but I really hate having one in the house. I've seen what they can do."

"This is so not the time for that discussion, V." Kimberly said walking towards the door. "Did you call the police?"

"No." Veronica got up and followed her downstairs. "I thought I'd let you check it out first."

"Ok." Kimberly grabbed her cell on the kitchen counter and went outside.

"So what's the plan?" Veronica asked, following her outside.

"V!" The detective turned and looked at the redhead. "Stay in the house!"

"No." Veronica shook her head. "It's probably just someone talking on the phone or something." She whispered. "And I'm guessing you knocking on the window with that," she pointed at the gun, "will scare the shit out of him. I'll need to be the polite little wife explaining the situation." She gave the taller woman a gentle push forward.

"Can't you do what I tell you to for once in your life?" Kimberly muttered.

"No, that would make things too easy for you." Veronica smiled at her.

Quietly they walked up to the car and peered inside. Not being able to see the face of the person inside Kimberly walked to the front of the car, looking through the window.

"V, is that…?" She looked over at her wife.

"Sara." Veronica nodded and opened the door carefully.

"What is she doing out here?" Kimberly asked. "Why didn't she just come inside?"

"We had a little fight." The redhead gently pushed Sara's hair away from her face. "Sass?" She nudged her gently. "Sass, wake up, hon."

"A fight about what?" Kimberly moved to her wife's side in case Sara fell out. "What could be so bad that she wouldn't just come inside?"

"Let's just say if you think I'm complicated, then you're lucky you didn't marry Sass." Veronica smiled at her. "Sara." She said louder, shaking the brunette a little harder. "Wake up."

"Huh?" Sara looked up at her. "Foxy?" She said sleepily.

"Hi." Veronica smiled, pulling on Sara's hand to get her out of the car. "Where are your keys?" She asked the confused brunette.

"What am I doing here?" Sara asked, taking her keys from her pocket and handing them over to the doctor.

"I was hoping you could tell me that." Veronica smiled. "When was the last time you slept, Sass?"

"I don't know." Sara shook her head and caught a glimpse of the gun in Kim's hand. "What's going on?" She asked, suddenly fully awake.

"You." Kimberly said. "We didn't know it was you." She elaborated her statement.

"I'm sorry." Sara shook her head. "I should go." She turned to get back into the car.

"Drive in your condition?" Veronica stopped her and locked the car. "I don't think so. We have a spare bed with your name on it, come on." She walked back towards the house.

"Yeah, you look like you need sleep." Kim put a hand on her shoulder, dragging her along with her. "And you better forget about arguing with her, it never works." She said with a smile and led her into the house.

----------------------------------------

Having spent the day sleeping and thinking about her relationship with Sara, Catherine was relieved to get back to the lab. After putting her jacket and purse in her locker she headed to the break room. There she went straight for the coffee, nodding her hello to Nick and Warrick.

"Hey, Cath…" Nick looked over at her. "About this morning…"

"I already talked to Sara, Nick." Catherine dismissed him. "She explained."

"Ok." Nick relaxed a little.

"You guys had a fight?" Warrick looked up from the paper he was reading.

"Yeah." Catherine nodded with a sigh.

"So where is she now?" Warrick asked. "You wear her out making up?" He teased.

"She's not here?" Catherine asked, ignoring the teasing.

"Who's not here?" Grissom asked, entering the room followed by Greg.

"Sara." Nick answered.

"Someone called in sick for her." Grissom handed out the assignment slips in his hand.

"Who?" Catherine asked.

"Dr. Christiansen." Gil looked over his glasses at her and handed her a slip.

"What about the Adams case?" Nick asked.

"The PD is still on it, but there's nothing more we can do." Grissom answered with a frown. "How far are you on the B&E from yesterday?"

"I'm gonna pick up the results now."

"Ok." Grissom nodded. "Let's get to work then." He turned and left the room and the rest of them got up to start work as well.

"Gil!" Catherine caught up with him. "What do you mean Veronica called in sick for Sara?"

"She called and said Sara wasn't feeling well and that she wasn't coming in tonight." Grissom answered.

"Yes, Gil." Catherine said exasperated. "But why didn't Sara call in herself?"

"Apparently she was sleeping." Grissom put on his jacket and picked up his kit. "We should get going."

"Are we working together tonight?" Catherine asked, momentarily forgetting about Sara being sick.

"No." Grissom looked back at her. "But we should still get going." He turned back and stood beside her. "This relationship between the two of you can't get in the way of your work, Catherine."

"I know, Gil." She sighed, running a hand through her hair. "I'm just worried. I'll call her and then get going." She pulled out her phone.

"Call her from the car." Grissom walked away again and out the door.

The blonde huffed, before quickly picking up her kit and jacket and rushing to the car. As soon as she was out on the street in the car she dialled Sara's number.

"_Sara Sidle's phone." A female voice answered._

"Who is this?" Catherine asked.

"_Veronica. Who is this?" Veronica asked back._

"Catherine."

"_Oh… Hi."_

"Hi. Why are you answering Sara's phone?" Catherine asked curiously.

"_She's sleeping and I'd like to keep it that way." Veronica answered carefully._

"Grissom said she was sick?"

"_Uhm…" Veronica hesitated. "I might have told a little white lie there." She admitted. "Are you guys swamped? Cause I'll wake her up if you…"_

"No." Catherine interrupted her. "No, I was just worried. So she's not sick?"

"_I'm not really sure." Veronica paused. "She's been sleeping since this morning. I've never seen her sleep that long, so she could be coming down with something."_

"She's been working the last 72 hours with very little sleep – on the Adams case." Catherine told her.

"_Oh." Veronica shook her head. "That's probably the explanation... Catherine…?" She stopped._

"Yes?" Catherine prompted her to continue.

"_Just tell me if this is none of my business, but did you two have a fight or something?"_

"It's more or something." Catherine sighed. "It's just been rough lately." She didn't really know why she was telling her this, but she assumed that Sara had already told her some of their problems.

"_Ok." You could practically hear the wheels turning in the redhead's head. "That explains what she was doing outside my house this morning. I wasn't expecting her to come back this soon."_

"This soon?" Catherine pulled up to her scene, but stayed in the car. "What do you mean?"

"_She didn't tell you we had a fight?" Veronica didn't sound surprised. "I know which buttons to push and I pushed them. It's in the past, or at least it is to me, but Sass has a tendency to hold on to stuff for way too long."_

"Could you get her to call me when she wakes up?" Catherine asked. "I have to get back to work right now." She explained, opening the door.

"_Yeah, sure." Veronica nodded on the other end. "I'll make sure she calls you… Catherine?" She stopped again, wondering if she should say what she was thinking or not._

"Yes?" The blonde shut the door again.

"_It's just… She's worth it, you know, when she pulls her head out of her ass, she's really worth it. I just thought I'd tell you. I know she's not easy, but she's trying. She wants to be with you, you just have to… I don't know… Teach her… Have a little patience with her."_

"I don't know if I can afford that patience." Catherine sighed, looking out at the police officers at the scene.

"_Because of Lindsey." It was more a statement than a question. "Just give her a little more time, Catherine. Just a little." She said softly. "Anyways, I'll let you get to work and I'll have her call you when she wakes up."_

"Thanks." Catherine smiled sadly. "Bye."

"_Bye."_

Catherine sat for another couple of seconds in the car getting her thoughts under control. Finally, slipping on her work face, she stepped out and started working the scene.


	10. Calling in Sick

I just realized that I had another chapter on my computer, so I thought I'd update. I'm sorry of the lack of updates, but I just haven't been writing much lately and what I've written have mostly been Criminal Minds. I promise to work on this, but I just can't make any promises. I hope you will enjoy this chapter.

Again, a big, big thanks to Jess who is still the best beta in the world.

A/N: I'm not trying to offend vegetarians or Chinese people or even cows in this chapter, I'm just having a little fun at their expense.

**Chapter Ten**

**Calling in Sick**

Sara awoke with a jerk. Somehow her father had worked his way into her dreams again. She looked around and realized that she was in a strange room. Sitting up she reached out to see if there was a lamp on the nightstand beside the bed.

"I'll get it." A voice said from beside the bed and a light was turned on. "Hey." Veronica sat down on the bed next to her.

"Foxy?" Sara looked around the room. "Where am I?"

"In my very nice guest bedroom." Veronica smiled. "Isn't it better than your car?"

"Yeah." Sara lay back down remembering what had happened. "Sorry." She said, looking away from the woman.

"Don't worry about it. But could you please just come inside next time so I won't have to wake up Kim?" She asked with a laugh.

"Sorry." Sara repeated. "About everything." She added.

"Don't worry about it." Veronica backed up so she was leaning against the headboard and patted her lap. Sara moved to lay her head on her lap, enjoying the fingers combing through her hair.

"Am I hurting you?" Sara asked referring to her position and the other woman's injuries.

"No." Veronica whispered softly, and they sat in silence. "But I think you might be hurting Catherine." The doctor said after a while.

Sara didn't answer but her body tensed up.

"You wanna tell me about it?" Veronica asked when she didn't say anything.

Sara started to pull away, but a hand on her shoulder stopped her.

"I think it's time we started talking instead of sitting in silence, hon." Veronica said softly.

"Maybe." Sara whispered. "I think she might have broken up with me today."

"I don't think she has." Veronica kept running her hand through the brunette's hair.

Sara lifted her head slightly. "How would you know that?"

"I talked to her." Veronica admitted. "And she wants you to call her."

"What?" Sara sat up facing the other woman. "When?"

"Earlier tonight." Veronica said casually. "When she called your phone and I answered it."

"What?" Sara sat up straighter, looking around the room for a clock. "What time is it, Foxy? I have to get to work." She got out of the bed.

"It's around 2, I think." Veronica got out of the bed as well. "A.M." She added.

"What?" Sara looked around for her clothes when she realized she was wearing a t-shirt and boxers. "Where are my clothes? Grissom's going to kill me for being this late!"

"Sass." Veronica held out a hand stopping her. "I called in sick for you."

"What?" Sara shouted.

"Shh…" Veronica held a finger to her lips. "Julie is sleeping."

"You called in sick for me?" Sara whispered incredulously. "Why the hell would you do that?"

"Maybe because you were sleeping in your car outside my house this morning," Veronica whispered back in the same tone of voice, "and you've been sleeping until now. You never sleep this much, so obviously you needed the sleep."

"Who gave you the right to judge what I need or don't need?" Sara was calming down a little.

"_You_ did when you fell asleep outside my house." Foxy looked at her for a second before sitting back down on the bed laughing. "God, Sass!"

"Sorry." Sara laughed too and sat down next to her. "What did Grissom say when you called?"

"He just said ok." Veronica laughed again. "I guess he figured that he couldn't fight with a doctor."

"I'm impressed." Sara said, lying down.

"Well, this is the first and last time I'm using my doctor privileges to get you out of work." Veronica eased herself down to lie next to her. "So, are you going to run to work now, claiming to suddenly feel better or are you going to play hooky with me and talk about all of this?"

"I don't know." Sara stared up at the ceiling. "They might be swamped."

"They weren't when I talked to Catherine." Veronica informed her. "I asked."

"Hmm…" Sara said, still not having made up her mind.

"Call her." Veronica got up slowly. "And then decide. Your phone is on the nightstand."

"Ok." Sara sat back up. "Veronica, I'm…"

"Please don't say you're sorry again." Veronica interrupted her. "I heard and forgave you the first time." She smiled at her. "I'll be in the kitchen." She said and left Sara alone in the room looking at her phone. "On second thoughts," the doctor returned to the room and took the phone from Sara. Hitting a few buttons she held up the phone to her ear and then returned it to Sara. "Now I'll be in the kitchen." She winked at her and left the room.

"_Willows." Catherine answered the phone._

"H-h-hi." Sara stammered out. "Uhm, it's me. Sara."

"_Hi, how are you doing? Gil said you called in sick." Catherine walked away from the officers standing next to her._

"Uhm, Veronica kinda made that up." Sara smiled. "I'm fine, I just woke up."

"_Good." Catherine nodded even though Sara co__uldn't see her. "So you're ok?"_

"Yeah." Sara sighed. "Are you guys swamped?"

"_No, I don't think so." Catherine shook her head. "I would have heard from Gil by now if we were."_

"Good, then I think I'm gonna stay here for a while." Sara shook her head over the awkwardness of the conversation. She decided to bite the bullet. "Catherine, have we broken up?" She whispered.

Catherine stayed silent, so silent that Sara thought she had hung up on her. "Cath?"

"_Yeah, I'm still here." Catherine sighed. "And… No, __we haven't, but we have things to talk about."_

"Oh thank God." Sara breathed out a sigh of relief. "Can I come by tomorrow?"

"_If you're prepared to talk to me, __and I mean really talk to me, then yes." Catherine nodded. "I need you to…" Catherine stopped._

"Be with you, I know." Sara whispered. "I'll let you get back to work now though."

"_Ok." Ca__therine looked back at the scene that she was almost done processing._

"I'll see you tomorrow." Sara smiled at the thought.

"_Yeah, see you in the morning." Catherine smiled a little as well._

"Hey Cath." Sara called out just before the blonde hung up.

"_Yeah?" Catherine put the phone back to her ear._

"I… Be safe." Sara settled on.

"_I will. Bye."_

"Bye." Sara hung up the phone and walked downstairs.

----------------------------------------

"Hey." She greeted Veronica when she reached the kitchen.

"I made coffee." Veronica pointed at the coffeemaker. "I figured you'd want coffee no matter what you decided on."

"Thanks." Sara poured coffee into the empty mug on the counter.

"So what _did_ you decide?" Veronica asked.

"I'm gonna hang around here for a while." Sara smiled at the surprise showing in the other woman's eyes.

"Wow! Way to go Sara Sidle!" Veronica smiled widely. "Didn't think you had it in you."

"You're funny!" Sara sat down opposite her at the kitchen island.

"Yeah, I'm a regular Ellen DeGeneres." Veronica laughed to show she was kidding. "You hungry?" She asked, getting up to find food before Sara had a chance to answer.

"Sure." Sara nodded. "I'm a vegetarian now by the way." She added.

"Really?" Veronica looked at her from the fridge. "That's just wrong! You still eat cheese?"

"Yes." Sara nodded. "And why is that wrong?"

"It just is. Could you imagine how many cows would be walking around out there if we weren't here to eat them?" She asked, placing different things in front of Sara. "I mean, forget about China, it would be the cows we'd have to worry about."

"Wow, you are really funny today." Sara couldn't help laughing. "You should be on stage in one of the casinos."

"I know." Veronica sat back down watching Sara eat. "So, are we going to get serious or do you want me to keep going?"

"I'll take serious for 500 please, Alex." Sara said between bites.

"Ok." Veronica smiled at the joke. "What's going on with you and Catherine?"

"I'm messing things up." Sara said honestly after a pause.

"Ok." Veronica nodded. "Why?"

"It's what I do." Sara said with a shrug.

"I know that." Veronica thought for a minute. "And I also know that you don't want to keep doing that, so what are you going to do to change it?"

"I talked to Lindsey." Sara said. "Before the Adams case I went to Catherine's and talked to Lindsey. Explained how much her mother means to me."

"Wow." Veronica was almost speechless. "That's progress." She said with a smile. "That takes care of the daughter, now what are you going to do about the mother?"

"I don't know, Veronica." Sara put down her food. "It's just hard, you know."

"Hard being with you? Yeah, I have a pretty good idea. But I get Catherine though, it really shouldn't be this hard this early in the relationship." She looked Sara in the eye. "I know how hard it is for you to open up, but you really have to if you want this to work out. You have to tell her about your childhood – all the details. If she's going to put up with your mood swings she deserves to know the reason why."

"It's hard, Veronica." Sara looked down at her plate. "You have no idea how hard it is."

"That's just it, Sass," Veronica reached over and held her hand, "I know exactly how hard it is." Sara looked up and met her eyes, realizing the truth of the statement. "I mean, I wasn't abused in my childhood, and what happened to me was nothing compared to what you've been through, but I do know." The doctor continued. She held up a hand when Sara was about to talk. "What happened to me was really bad, both times, but no crime committed against an adult is as bad as a crime committed against a child. Crimes against children are especially unacceptable."

"How are you, Veronica?" Sara asked. "I mean, how are you really?"

"Honestly?" Veronica looked out the window. "I'm not that good." She looked back at Sara with a sad smile. "It's going to take a while to get better, but I will get better. If I don't he'll have won and I don't want him to win." She looked out the window again.

"I'm sorry we couldn't stop him." Sara said, holding onto the hand in her own.

"There was nothing you could have done, Sara." Veronica kept looking out the window. "I'm as much to blame as anyone. I wasn't careless, but I wasn't careful enough either."

"What can I do to help?" Sara asked, squeezing the hand she was holding.

"Nothing." Veronica looked back at her. "I need to work things out in here." She pointed at her head with her free hand.

"Ok." Sara nodded and let go of Veronica's hand when she pulled back. She started eating again and they sat in silence until she was done.

"So, about Catherine." Veronica started up again. "You should buy her flowers."

"I don't really think flowers will fix this." Sara got up and poured herself another cup of coffee.

"I know it's not gonna fix things, give me a little credit here, but it's not gonna hurt your chances either. I know I love it when Kim buys me flowers after an argument."

"Ok." Sara nodded, thinking about it. "I'll buy her flowers then."

"And tell her about your childhood." Veronica added.

"And tell her about my childhood." Sara nodded again.

"And hope that it isn't too late." Veronica said with a small smile.

Sara sat down again with a sad smile. "And hope that is isn't too late."


	11. Childhood

I have actually managed to write another chapter in this story... It has really taken a long time to write, and I'm so sorry. But today I have written more, so I thought I'd post this and let you know that there's still hope for this story. I do plan on finishing it, I just don't know when it'll be yet. This part is un betaed, so all mistakes are mine. Thank you to those of you who are still with me and this story, I hope you'll be better than me and maybe leave a review to let me know what you think.

**Chapter Eleven**

**Childhood**

During the night Veronica and Sara had moved to the living room and were now lying on two very comfortable couches. Except for the couple of hours of sleep Veronica had had, they had talked through the night, about old memories and had also touched the subject of the new ones. Sara had respected it when Foxy had changed the subject when they had talked shortly about Dunne, because she knew that her friend always had to work things out alone before talking. For the last hour or so they had sat in silence both lost in thought.

Sara was, of course, thinking about Catherine. She wanted to save the relationship, but wasn't sure how to. She felt how her body relaxed and soon she was in a state of being not quite asleep but not fully awake either. She rarely found herself in this state and was only there now because Veronica made her feel safe enough to be that vulnerable. Pretty soon all that existed were the sound of her heartbeat and thoughts of Catherine. Small images played in her mind. Catherine in the morgue wearing her blue lab coat smiling at her. Catherine at the lab with Lindsey, an arm around the girl's shoulder, smiling down at her. Catherine hunched over the microscope absentmindedly brushing a strand of stray hair behind her ear. Catherine in the break room enjoying a cup of coffee. Catherine in her office wearing those glasses. Catherine naked in bed looking at her with love. Catherine…

"Sometimes I wonder if it's really worth it." She thought out loud.

"If what is worth it?" Veronica said with a yawn interrupted in her thoughts. "Making up with Catherine?" She sat up a little straighter.

"Yeah," Sara nodded absentmindedly.

"But you love her." Veronica sounded concerned. "And love makes it all worth it. You deserve to be happy, Sass."

"I'm… I'm not thinking about me." The brunette finally looked over at the other woman. "Is it really worth it for Catherine? I mean, I hurt her over and over again and we've only been dating for a very short time." She sighed rubbing her eyes. "She has Lindsey to think about too and I'm just… I'm not really enough for them – at least not when I have all this unsolved business in my past."

"Maybe you're right." Veronica nodded. "But maybe Catherine should be the one to decide whether or not it's worth it."

"Maybe she can't see things clearly." Sara countered.

"And maybe that's because you are keeping her in the dark about it." Veronica shot back. "Don't get me wrong here, I know how your childhood affected you. I know how much it hurts you to even consider talking about it. But I also know how strong you are and I know how much you're in love with Catherine. And to me that is what makes it worth it. To me that is all that matters – the fact that you have finally met a person who can make you happy. You've finally met someone who won't take any crap from you – someone who is in love with you."

"One," Sara held up a finger. "I'm not so sure that she is in love with me. Two," she held up another finger. "You just described yourself and I've known you for years, what makes it so different with Catherine?"

"One," Veronica held up her middle finger with a smile. "If she wasn't in love with you, you wouldn't still be with her. She would have given up a long time ago – even if the sex is fantastic. Not that I would know with all the details you're not giving me." She smiled. "And two, no I didn't. I was never in love with you. I mean I love you, I love you with all my heart, but I was never in love with you – like you were never in love with me, right?" She paused and waited for Sara's confirming nod. "And you told me about your childhood, so don't you think that maybe Catherine, who you are in love with, deserves to know as well?"

"Yeah," Sara leaned back in the couch. "Maybe you're right."

"I always am." Veronica said with an ironic smile.

"Right," Sara answered with a small laugh.

Silence fell over them again. She still wasn't sure that being with Catherine was what was best for the blonde, not matter what Veronica had said. She loved Cath and she wanted to be with her. She just wasn't sure that she could be better, that she could be the kind of person that the blonde deserved to be with. She _was_ going to tell her about her childhood and the biggest part of her was sure that the blonde would understand and still want to be with her. But maybe she should deal with her past before she could be with the blonde. Maybe she ought to confront her demons before she could be who Catherine deserved.

"You know, jewellery is nice too." Veronica said with a smile, interrupting her musings.

"Jewellery?" Sara squeaked sitting up on the couch. "We've been dating for a couple of months!"

"Oh right." Veronica looked over at her. "I was just trying to get your attention." She giggled. "But I do love jewellery." She said with a dreamy look on her face.

"I'll be sure to tell Kim that." Sara mumbled.

"Oh, she knows, hon." Veronica smirked. "Haven't I shown you my bling yet?"

"Your bling?" Sara laughed and let her self fall back in the couch again.

"Well, my jewellery then. There are some pretty nice things in my safety box." Veronica sat up.

"I'm sure there is." Sara nodded. "I mean, just look at this place." She looked around the living room.

"Yeah, it's not bad." Veronica looked around as well.

"Not bad? This is what people dream about, Foxy." Sara looked over at her. "It definitely pays better to be a doctor than it does being a CSI."

"It's ok." Veronica smiled at her. "Plus having a huge trust fund from your grandparents that your father can't touch doesn't hurt either."

"Ah." Sara nodded, that explained the big house. "What time is it?" She asked.

"It's…" Veronica was interrupted by Kimberly walking in the door. "Hey hon." She reached a hand out for her.

"Hi." Kimberly walked over to her and kissed her. "Hi Sara."

"Wanna sit?" The redhead patted on the couch between her legs as Sara nodded her hello.

"Yeah." The detective sighed sitting down leaning against the smaller body behind her.

"Rough shift?" Veronica asked.

"Mmmm," came the noncommittal reply.

"Did you see Catherine today?" Sara asked.

"Yeah, shortly at the lab," Kimberly nodded. "I think she had a murder with Brass or something."

"Ok." Sara nodded. "Uhm, Foxy, can I pick some flowers in your garden?" She got up from the couch.

"Sure." Veronica nodded. "Nice touch, Sass. More personal that way." She smiled.

"You in the doghouse with Catherine?" Kim asked.

"Something like that." Sara nodded.

"Jewellery will work wonders." She offered as Sara went outside to pick flowers.

----------------------------------------

Sara knocked on Catherine's front door nervously. She wasn't really sure that she could do this. It had been years since she'd last told someone about her childhood. But she had to do it if she was going to have a chance with Catherine, she knew that, but it didn't make it any easier to actually do it.

"Hi." She looked up at a tired looking Catherine when she opened the door. "These are for you." She held out the flowers.

"Thanks." Catherine smiled slightly. "Come on in." She opened the door wider and Sara stepped inside.

"So…" Sara shoved her hands in her pockets looking at the blonde.

"The flowers are very nice, Sara." Catherine moved closer and gave her a peck on the lips. "Coffee?"

"Yes please." Sara followed her to the kitchen. "Where do you want to do this? Do you need to sleep first? I can come back later." She knew that she was rambling, but she couldn't seem to get her nerves under control.

"Living room. No, I'm good for now, so you don't have to." Catherine leaned against the counter while waiting for the coffee to brew.

"Ok." Sara nodded. She paused for a while just looking at the vision in front of her. "Look, I need to do this now or I'm not sure how… if…" She stopped again and took a deep breath. "I have a brother. He's older than me and I haven't seen him in about 20 years or so."

"Oh." Catherine moved to walk over to her, but stopped when Sara held up her hand. "I didn't know that."

"He moved out of the house as soon as he was old enough, he really couldn't get away fast enough. He left me behind though." Sara continued as she watched Catherine fill two mugs with coffee. "I don't really blame him, he'd already suffered a lot trying to protect my mother and me. I think he joined the army or marines or something."

"What's his name?" Catherine asked handing her one of the mugs before leading her into the living room to sit on the couch.

"John." Sara sat down next to the blonde. "His name is John." She took a sip of her coffee. "My dad started beating me when I was six. He'd been beating John and mom for years before that, but I got my first real beating when I was six." She didn't look at Catherine while talking, but stared into space as if she was watching a scene others couldn't see. "I mean he'd slapped me before that, but the first real beating was when I was six. It hurt like hell, so I couldn't stop crying. That really just made him angrier, but I couldn't stop. Mom went between us so he wouldn't kill me, but that just meant that she walked around with bruises for weeks as well. I guess over the years I just learned not to cry when he was beating me. I learned to not cry at all, because crying equalled a beating."

"And that's why you're uncomfortable crying in front of me?" Catherine had put down her coffee.

"Yes." Sara nodded slowly. "I don't cry in front of anyone, not even Veronica. I think you're the first person who has seen me cry since… since I can't remember."

"I'm sorry." Catherine rearranged herself so she was sitting with her back against the armrest on the couch. "Wanna make this more comfortable?" She asked patting the spot between her legs.

Sara finally looked over at her, pushing the scenes in her head to the back of her mind for a short while.

"I'm not sure." She said looking down at the spot Catherine was patting.

"I won't hurt you, Sara." Catherine scooted closer placing a hand on Sara's back.

"I know, but…"

"You need to be able to run." Catherine stated with a small sigh.

"I don't want to run, but…" Sara made a helpless gesture with her hand.

"It's ok." Catherine scooted back to her previous position. "Tell me the rest of your story… And the offer still stands if you change your mind."

"I think Johnny thinks that I blame him for leaving me. That might be why I haven't seen or heard from him in all these years, but I really don't. There was nothing he could have done if he had stayed. He was just as scared of dad as mom and I were."

"Were?" Catherine asked.

"Yeah." Sara nodded. "He kept beating us for years. I used to think that it was normal – that that was how a family worked. I'd never really known anything else, so I never talked about it with anyone. It was just normal behaviour to me."

"I'm sorry." Catherine repeated.

"He kept beating us over the years. We tried to figure out his mood swings, but there were just no pattern in them. We never seemed to do anything right, so I guess we just gave up after a while. The only thing I had to hide in was my school work. I loved going to school. But he turned that against me as well, I never got praise for getting a good grade – I just got a beating. And if the grade wasn't good enough I got a beating for that as well." Sara shifted a little closer to the blonde placing a hand on her leg.

Catherine placed her hand lightly on Sara's in support. She didn't speak but listened intently to what the brunette was telling her. It was hard to listen to and her heart was breaking for the child that had had to go through it all. She wanted to take Sara into her arms and never let go, but she felt that Sara needed the more distanced comfort of her hand covering hers at the moment instead.

"When I was twelve I was home alone with my father for the first time in forever and he was as always in a very bad mood. When I didn't fix him what he wanted to eat properly he started beating me. I had just gotten a good grade in a math test, but he didn't like it. In his world women stayed at home pleasing their husband and he started showing me just what that meant…" Sara stopped and felt Catherine tighten her grip on her hand. She looked over at the blonde. "He would have raped me right there in the kitchen if my mother hadn't come home in time. He had already ripped my shirt off and was working on my pants when she stepped into the kitchen. She screamed for him to stop, but he just backhanded her making her fall back and hit her head on the kitchen counter…"

"He killed her?" Catherine asked with a voice thick with emotions.

"No." Sara shook her head. "She got up, the blood was flowing from a cut on her head. I don't remember what happened. But I do remember the smell of blood in the air, the spatter on the walls, the feeling of blood in my hair, on my face, on my clothes. Suddenly the room was filled with people – there were police officers and paramedics everywhere it seemed. And then a woman with the kindest smile and nice blue eyes took my hand and led me out of the house. For a long time I didn't know or remember her name, but I clung to her hand and wouldn't let go for the longest time. The neighbours and a lot of other people were standing outside, some pointing at me, some whispering something and that's when I became…" She looked down at their joined hands and tried to pull her hand away, but Catherine didn't let go.

"Became what, sweetie?" Catherine asked gently.

"The girl whose mother killed her father." Sara looked away from the blonde afraid what she would see in the other woman's face.

"Oh honey." Catherine moved closer to her and embraced her. "I'm so sorry."

Sara stayed in the embrace for a minute before pulling away.

"I'll understand if you don't…"

"Don't finish that sentence, Sara." Catherine caressed her cheek. "I… I want to be with you. I'll be patient with you when you need it, but I'm still me – I'll push at times as well."

"You want to be with me? Even after…?"

"Yes." Catherine nodded. "You're not your parents, Sara. You're an incredibly strong person who has been through too much and has come out strong on the other side… I'm still gonna push you though." She added with a small smile.

"I know. Always so bossy." Sara smiled as well.

"Veronica knows all this?" Catherine asked.

"Yes." Sara confirmed.

"And that's why she's so protective of you?"

"I think so." Sara nodded. "She's the best friend I've ever had."

"I like her more and more." Catherine said with a smile.

"You should." Sara smiled bigger. "You're really a lot alike when she's not just been kidnapped and almost killed."

"Well, that'll get anyone down for a while." Catherine smiled. It wasn't really that funny, but somehow it eased the tension a little.

"I guess you have a lot of questions." Sara got back to her story.

"I do." Catherine nodded. "But I think we've both had enough for right now."

"I'll answer whatever question you have." Sara wanted her to know everything she wanted. The sooner she could get it over with, the sooner Catherine could leave her if she found out that it would all be too much and the less attached she would be to the Willows family.

"I'm not going to leave you because of this Sara." Catherine tried to ease her fears. "We all have a past, some worse than others, but it is in the end what have made us who we are today." She stood up and reached out a hand to Sara. "Let's get some sleep before I have to pick up Lindsey?"

"Are you sure?" The brunette looked up at her.

"Absolutely." Catherine nodded seriously and Sara took her hand and followed her to the bedroom.


End file.
